


Only In Summertime

by BLUEOCEAN13



Category: We Bare Bears (Cartoon)
Genre: Angst, Angst and Hurt/Comfort, Angst with a Happy Ending, Anxiety, Asthma, Coming Out, Declarations Of Love, Denial of Feelings, Depression, Falling In Love, Fluff, Hurt/Comfort, M/M, Panic Attacks, Pining, Romance, Self-Hatred
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-10-17
Updated: 2021-03-03
Packaged: 2021-03-09 04:41:35
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 6
Words: 21,055
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27058906
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/BLUEOCEAN13/pseuds/BLUEOCEAN13
Summary: Falling in love isn't all sunshine and rainbows.Panda learns this when he falls hard for a certain bigfoot in the local woods. He fears if he confesses, things would be different. But you never know if you don't ever try....Right?
Relationships: Charlie/Panda (We Bare Bears)
Comments: 2
Kudos: 31





	1. The Swing

**Author's Note:**

> This fic is named after the song Love Story by Indila!!!
> 
> This work is pre Mom App 2. Then Sweet Disposition comes next after that.

It wasn't an easy task when it came to moving on. Especially from someone whom you liked a lot. 

  
  


But that day Panda found out Lucy had gotten a boyfriend, he realized maybe it was for the best she did. She was happy with Kale. It was really all he wanted for her.

  
  


Panda a few years ago wouldn't have accepted that he lost a chance with Lucy. Not so easily. Nor have felt glad she found someone. 

  
  


But he's changed, hasn't he? 

  
  


He guessed even jerks like him can grow in a way. It was odd to think about. 

  
  


Panda was currently alone in the cave. 

  
  


He decided to do some tidying up while his two brothers were out doing whatever. He swept the kitchen, hallway, and the living room floor, took out the trash, and even cleaned up Grizz's room within two hours. 

  
  


It was the least he could do since Ice Bear was the main cleaner of the household. His little brother would be looking forward to a few days of no chores.

  
  


Well. 

  
  


If cooking breakfast, lunch, and dinner counted as a chore then  _ oof _ . 

  
  


Panda retired to his room after he was done. He ate his favourite vegan chips and watched an anime on the laptop. Taking a sip of his spring water, he heard the front door open and close after finishing a sixth episode of this new series he found. 

  
  


Grizz or Ice Bear or both were home now. 

  
  


He crumpled up the now empty chip bag and tossed it in the small trash can by his desk. He might as well go greet his brothers. They were gone for a pretty good while. He often wondered what his siblings were up to when they weren't together. 

  
  


"About time you guys got back-" Panda grumbled but he trailed off as he entered the kitchen. Rummaging through the cabinets was Charlie. His friend was looking to eat something obviously as he always did when he came here. But something felt weird about all this for some reason. 

  
  


Was this even real? Why did this feel like deja vu?

  
  


Despite the odd feelings, Panda was totally used to seeing Charlie invading their food space. It was actually nice seeing the bigfoot from time to time. Even though it was something he couldn't admit. 

  
  


Charlie stood up straight and he smiled warmly down at Panda. "Oh hey pumpkin! Sorry I let myself in. I knocked a good ten times but no one answered! I figured it would be alright if I just hopped on in." 

  
  


"Um. That's okay." Panda shuffled his feet. "What are you doing anyways, man? You were here last  _ night. _ " 

  
  


"Was I?" Charlie blinked slowly. "Oh right I was! Heh heh. Silly me. I ain't got no concept of time anymore!" 

  
  


Panda crossed his arms. "Don't you have anything better to do though?" 

  
  


The bigfoot began to go through the cabinets again until he found what he was looking for. An entire jar of cheesy poofs. He held them in his one arm, opened the lid with one hand, and took a handful. The purple lid fell down to the kitchen floor as Charlie shoved a fistful of cheese balls into his mouth. 

  
  


"Not really!" Charlie started to walk into the living room and he plopped himself on the couch. Panda numbly followed. "Hey where are your brothers? I expected they would be hanging here more ever since the incident." 

  
  


The striped bear inhaled a breath. "N-No...I think they're still mad at me." 

  
  


Charlie patted the cushion next to him. Panda sighed and he sat down beside his friend. "I said sorry….but I think I really hurt them with what I said." 

  
  


"Maybe they just need some time to really forgave ya!" 

  
  


"I guess so...but it's been a week!" Panda brought his forepaws over his face. He felt like crying. It shouldn't take them this long to actually forgive him  _ right? _

  
  


_ Right?  _

  
  


It was just a big mess he caused. He'll do whatever it takes to fix it though. Even if it takes months. Or even years! 

  
  


Oh shoot…

  
  


Years were too long...

  
  


They'll probably be all old bears before he is really forgiven. He deserves it in all honesty. 

  
  


He was such a  _ dingle.  _

  
  


He didn't understand how anyone tolerated him. 

  
  


Charlie patted Panda on his back. "It's alright Panda. I'm sure they'll come around eventually!" 

  
  


Panda teared up. He moved his paws away from his face. "Thanks Charlie...I guess…." 

  
  


"No problem sweetie!" Charlie must've spotted the water pooling in Panda's green eyes for he pulled the bear in close with that arm that was patting his back. "Ya gonna be alright..I  _ promise  _ ya." 

  
  


Panda sniffled. He didn't deserve Charlie. The bigfoot was too sweet. Too kind. He was the opposite. Just a dumb bear who possibly created a forever wedge between him and his brothers. 

  
  


He let the tears flow down his cheeks and he buried his face into Charlie's surprisingly soft fur. His tensed muscles eased up. They were tightened until this point. 

  
  


Charlie placed down the jar of cheesy poofs so he could hug Panda with both arms. "Ya safe now panda...you and your brothers. I won't let anyone hurt y'all again! My solemn word!" 

  
  


Panda chuckled. He couldn't help but smile a teeny bit. 

  
  


"Awww! Do I spot a smile?!" Charlie beamed. "Come on and let me see that sunshine face of yours, lovebug!" 

  
  


Panda slowly looked up with a pink blush creeping into his cheeks. It turned redder when he realized he was only inches from Charlie's face. 

  
  


Charlie went blue in return. It seemed to darken his entire head. Normally turning blue wasn't a good thing because it normally meant you were suffocating. But not for Charlie, Panda realized. 

  
  


Panda giggled nervously. He felt tingly all over when Charlie suddenly brought a hand up to cup his red cheek. "Hey Panda?" 

  
  


"Y-Yeah…?" Panda stuttered. 

  
  


"We got concert tickets!" Charlie piped. 

  
  


"Wait what." Frantic knocking caused Panda's eyes to shoot open. He jolted upwards in the same second. 

  
  


Charlie disappeared. The living room was gone. He was lying awkwardly on his bed in his bedroom. His laptop's screen was black. The vegan chips were on the floor, it's contents spilled out everywhere. 

  
  


It was a  _ dream.  _

  
  


He must've passed out from exhaustion. Cleaning the whole cave wasn't an easy job and he wasn't the always moving type of guy. 

  
  


Grizz owned that position. 

  
  


Groaning, Panda closed the laptop and slid off his mattress. He yawned big while stretching his arms towards the ceiling. He winced at the chip bag crunching under his foot. He quickly scooped up the crumbs back into the bag and threw the whole thing away. 

  
  


The five second rule was long broken.

  
  


He wasn't going to let his space turn out anything like Grizz's either. 

  
  


He went to his door, curious about the concert tickets that somehow weaved their way into his  _ really weird dream and he can't believe it even happened.  _

  
  


It wasn't like he liked Charlie or anything! 

  
  


Ugh. 

  
  


He wanted to forget it even happened. He didn't even swing that  _ way.  _ Or at least he thought he didn't. 

  
  


He wasn't exactly sure. He was still figuring that out kinda. He knew he was just in deep denial about liking guys. Panda knew he was bisexual but he still was struggling to come to terms with it. 

  
  


"Good! You're awake!" Grizz's expression lit up as Panda entered the hallway. Only his grizzly brother was standing there right outside the door. Ice Bear was nowhere in sight. "We're going to see a concert!" 

  
  


Panda was still frazzled from his unexpected dozing. Not to mention sorta confused because of the dream. It was way too real in terms of feelings. It left him in a half daze. "What? Right  _ now?"  _

  
  


He wasn't up for  _ that.  _

  
  


"Pfff of course not now man!" Grizz waved a paw. "Next week!" His oldest brother stopped for a moment. He seemed to take in the sight of the bear in front of him. "You alright bro?" 

  
  


Was Panda's ruffled fur and reddened face that much of a giveaway? A giveaway about how he dreamed about a certain bigfoot he shouldn't even be dreaming  _ about?  _

  
  


A tall beautiful bigfoot at that? __

  
  


"I'm fine. Grizz." He lied. 

  
  


"Oh my gosh do you have a fever?!" Grizz moved forward and placed his forepaw on Panda's forehead. 

  
  


Panda swatted that paw away angrily. "I don't have a fever, Grizz!" He didn't even feel sick! 

  
  


"Wha. What was that look then?" Grizz tilted his head. Sudden realization dawned on the grizzly bear's face. "Ohhh. I understand! You're crushing again, pan!"

  
  


"I am  _ not!"  _ Panda spat out like venom. He immediately regretted the snap when Grizz darted back a step. "Ugh…I'm sorry man….I just woke up." 

  
  


"Hey. It's all good!" Grizz stepped closer again. "I'm sorry too...but you can talk to me about anything you know? You KNOW?" 

  
  


Panda shuffled his feet. "I know." He wanted to tell Grizz about his new found feelings. Though they weren't that new. He's had them for a while now. But his mouth refused to move. He couldn't talk. He was  _ terrified  _ to speak it.

  
  


Maybe he should wait until Ice Bear comes home. He wanted to tell them at the same time. It would be  _ easier. _

  
  


He knew little bro was a lesbian. 

  
  


He knew Grizz was gay. 

  
  


So this shouldn't be hard right? 

  
  


Sighing, Panda decided he  _ would.  _ He wasn't going to back out like a chicken. But he should leave out the part of how he might know he liked  _ guys.  _

  
  


Charlie had nothing to do with it! 

  
  


But gosh this was all too much for him. 

  
  


"Panda!" Grizz shouted. Panda flinched and he was snapped out of his thoughts. "Sorry bro. You zoned out there. Heh!" 

  
  


"Sorry...." Panda apologized as well. He turned pink in embarrassment that he let his mind wander off so far. He couldn't help it though. "Have you really forgiven me….after the dumb thing I said a few weeks ago?" The dream was wrong when it came to how long ago the  _ incident  _ happened. 

  
  


It's been over a month now. He still felt heavy guilt for it. There were still parts of him that still needed to grow. But how will he ever  _ learn  _ if he feels like he's stuck in a constant loop? 

  
  


He hoped one day he could break free of that stupid loop. 

  
  


Grizz went silent. 

  
  


Panda took that as a bad sign. It meant there  _ could  _ be a part of Grizz that didn't fully forgive him for what he did. Even though he was told many times he was  _ forgiven.  _ There were times he didn't regret what he said. 

  
  


Even got angry about it. 

  
  


Why was he like this? 

  
  


"You know me and little bro do!" Grizz smiled. But it was shaky. 

  
  


His big brother was trying hard to not show any hurt he could be feeling. But Panda was able to see right through it. He didn't understand how Grizz was able to hold in all this emotion. He was like a bubble ready to burst at any moment.

  
  


" _ Grizz."  _ Panda growled. "Why are you  _ lying?"  _ He sincerely hoped this didn't turn into another useless argument between them. He should probably back off before that happens. But he had to know! 

  
  


"I'm not lying, Panda!" Grizz protested. "Come on man. I'm telling  _ you _ it's okay! Now we got to go! Little bro is waiting for us!" 

  
  


Panda huffed. He'll let the conversation go. For  _ now.  _ " _ Fine."  _ He put one arm over the other. "Why is little bro waiting?" 

  
  


"We want to show you this cool thing we found! It's supposed to be super awesome!" Grizz turned around and went through the living room. 

  
  


Panda followed. " _ Supposed?"  _

  
  


Grizz pursed his mouth. "You'll have to see brother!" 

  
  


"...Okay fine." 

  
  


They left behind the cave with Grizz in the lead. The sun was creeping towards the horizon as the two brothers walked through the forest trees. For this time of day, it was very hot. 

  
  


Panda longed for the winter where the city was at its coolest. The temperature barely went below fifty degrees but it was better than it being above a hundred. At least the tree's green branches offered enough shade so he didn't sweat a crazy amount. 

  
  


He despised  _ sweating.  _

  
  


It made him feel all icky and gross. Which was the one thing he hated in the world the most. 

  
  


"Are we almost  _ there?"  _ Panda complained. He was achy from making their home completely clean earlier. He could feel it in his weak limbs. He was beginning to wish he hadn't put so much effort into the task. 

  
  


"Yeah!" Grizz picked up his pace. 

  
  


Panda inhaled sharply and he forced himself to keep going. He wasn't sure how much farther he could walk. He swore his legs were so close to just collapsing out under him. 

  
  


Then he recalled his dream again. 

  
  


Charlie was so soft and warm. It felt so real. He wished it was real. That hand going to grasp his cheek- he wondered what would've happened if they had kissed. 

  
  


Though Panda would wake up disappointed knowing that such a thing could never happen between him and his friend! Oh my god he needs to stop thinking about this! 

  
  


But Charlie remained ingrained in this poor bear's head. Those dark blue eyes were so sparkly and bright and just so beautiful. That sweet smile he carried around all the time. 

  
  


It made Panda's heart melt. 

  
  


Panda was so lost in his thoughts he ran right into a tree trunk, smacking his nose against the bark. "Ouch ouch ouch!" He clutched his hurting face and fell down onto his bottom. 

  
  


Grizz came running back right away. "Whoa Panda! You okay there little bro?" 

  
  


Panda teared up. "I just ran into a stupid tree. What do you think!" 

  
  


"Hey. It's alright!" Grizz offered his paw. "Let me help you up panpan!" 

  
  


Panda brushed himself once he was back on his feet with many noises of complaint under his breath. "Thank you bro." 

  
  


"You're welcome panpan! Now onwards!" They continued on through the forest in silence. It was only the crunch of grass beneath their feet as they headed to wherever they were heading. 

  
  


Panda's nose throbbed and he constantly rubbed at it, hoping that the pain will soon completely go away. He wasn't a great dealer of pain. 

  
  


"We're here!" Grizz announced. 

  
  


Panda looked around. What was he supposed to be seeing? "Um? Grizz? Where is it?" 

  
  


Grizz glimpsed upwards. "Hey little bro! You can let it go now!" 

  
  


Panda looked up too. Let what  _ go?  _

  
  


Suddenly a swing came falling from overhead, sending pieces of barks raining down on the two bears. Panda covered his head with his forepaws. He closed his eyes tight while letting out a yelp. 

  
  


Once it stopped showering wood, Panda reopened his eyes. Ice Bear was scrambling down the tree's trunk. He landed gracefully on the ground. "Ice Bear found swing." 

  
  


"We both found it bro!" Grizz walked up to the old wooden swing with flimsy looking rope. It looked unstable. 

  
  


"I'm not getting on that." Panda decided. What if the branch it was attached to broke off? What if the ropes snapped? What if one of them went flying off the swing? He wasn't risking his life! His brothers shouldn't either! 

  
  


Grizz plopped himself on the swing and glimpsed at Panda. "Come on bro! It's not like it's going to break or anything!" 

  
  


"You don't know  _ that."  _

  
  


"Maybe I don't! It's not gonna stop me from swinging on it!!" Grizz craned his neck towards Ice Bear. "Push me little bro!" 

  
  


"Ice Bear will push big brother as high as the clouds." The polar bear stepped behind Grizz and shoved the grizzly forward. Soon he was soaring, kicking his feet back and forth and cheering out. 

  
  


It did  _ look  _ pretty fun. Panda couldn't deny it. But he was still hesitant to take a turn. Plus wouldn't this be a good time to come out? They were together. Alone in the woods. No one could hear them. 

  
  


Though the idea that Charlie could be lurking nearby changed his mind quickly. He didn't want to risk his friend overhearing him saying he liked guys. He wasn't prepared for such a thing. 

  
  


"Ice Bear wants a turn now." 

  
  


"Okay okay. I'm getting off bro." Grizz halted the swing and he slid off the wooden plank. "That was awesome! Are you sure you don't want to PanPan?" 

  
  


"Feelings are  _ conflicted."  _

  
  


"You've got time to decide!" Ice Bear was already swinging really high. The sight intimidated Panda. He didn't particularly enjoy heights. How could little bro go that high without fearing for his life? 

  
  


It was  _ crazy.  _

  
  


" _ Fine."  _ Panda sighed. "I'll get on the dumb swing." 

  
  


"Yes!" Grizz beamed. 

  
  


They watched Ice Bear swing and waited. Panda could sense something from Grizz. Like his big brother wanted to say something. It was so blatantly  _ obvious. _

  
  


"Spit it out, Grizz. What is it?" Please don't be about the  _ crush  _ thing! 

  
  


"It's nothing man!" Grizz pleaded.

  
  


"It's not  _ nothing.  _ Come out and say it already!" He let out a frustrated growl. 

"Alright! Alright!" Grizz twiddled his paws absent-mindedly. "You know Panda... I'll accept you for whoever you are! We're family. Family supports each other! Anything you tell me, I'll support the heck out of you!" 

  
  


Ice Bear jumped off the swing and landed on his feet by Panda and Grizz. The swing wobbled like mad. "Ice Bear seconds this." 

  
  


Panda stared downwards. Maybe it was the time to  _ come out.  _ But he wasn't sure. He was still so confused! He was tired of stressing out over it. He didn't want to stress anymore. 

  
  


"Panda?" Grizz reached a paw out to him, concern lining his face. 

  
  


Panda looked back up quickly. The words he's even wanting to say for  _ months _ rolled off his tongue at that very moment. He couldn't even process that it happened until moments after it did. "I'm...B-Bisexual..!" His voice echoed and cracked. 

  
  


He said it too loud! 

  
  


He begged to heck Charlie was nowhere near. It would be a  _ disaster!  _

  
  


His heart rate sped up at the potential at that. His paws began to sweat nervously. He suddenly felt very awkward! 

  
  


Grizz and Ice Bear were silent. They looked partially surprised. 

  
  


Grizz was the first to reach out and hug Panda. His big brother squeezed him tightly. "Awww man! That's so awesome!" 

  
  


"W-What?  _ Really?"  _

  
  


"Heck yeah bro!" Grizz smiled. "It must've been hard to come out and say that bro! I'm proud of you!" 

  
  


Ice Bear joined in on the hug. "Ice Bear is proud too. Ice Bear will bake Bisexual cookies as celebration." 

  
  


"I remember when you made me rainbow ones bro!" Grizz piped. "They were so good!" 

  
  


"Ice Bear remembers lesbian flag cupcakes. Ice Bear liked them." 

  
  


Panda teared up. This was everything he ever wanted. This was the type of reactions he was  _ hoping  _ for! "T-Thanks bros…" 

  
  


"You're welcome!" Grizz wiped away a tear from Panda's cheek. "There's no need to cry panpan! We love you no matter what!" 

  
  


"Ice Bear loves you." His brothers hugged him tighter. 

  
  


"I love you guys too…" They stayed hugging for just a few more minutes until they broke apart. 

  
  


"Sooo." Grizz grinned. "Does this new crush of yours happen to be a  _ guy?"  _

  
  


Panda blazed red. "Uh...I...uh….uh…um.." He should've expected such a question! 

  
  


Ice Bear grinned as well. "Panda is lovestruck. Ice Bear wants to know for who." 

  
  


"Nope! You're never getting that out of me!  _ Never! _ " Panda crossed his arms. " _ Never!" _

  
  


"Okay. Okay." Grizz sighed. "No pressure man. But I'm glad you came out to us! How do you feel man?" 

  
  


"Lighter I guess." Panda shrugged his shoulders. "It doesn't feel like I'm carrying a heavy weight around anymore." He still was carrying a weight. The weight of having a crush on Charlie. 

  
  


His coming out weight may be no more but he was sure this crush weight will burden him for the rest of his life. 

  
  


"That's great, Panda!" Grizz stepped away to reveal the swing behind him. "Welp it's your turn brother!" 

  
  


Panda groaned. "Do I  _ really  _ have to?" 

  
  


"You said you would man!" 

  
  


"Alright! I'm getting on." Panda sat down on the swing and clutched the rope with his forepaws  _ tightly.  _ He wanted to have no chance of flying into a tree. Hitting his nose was enough. Slamming into a trunk full force would be too much for one day. 

  
  


"Is Panda ready?" Ice Bear asked. 

  
  


"I'm ready!" He was pushed higher and higher. The wind blew at his face, making it mildly difficult to breath. The ground was nothing but a fast moving blur as he swung back and forth. It kinda made him feel dizzy. 

  
  


Five minutes were enough and he was ready to get back on level ground. "Please stop me." Panda urged. 

  
  


A rope each was caught by Ice Bear and Grizz and the swing was slowed to a halt. "There you go bro! Wasn't that fun?" 

  
  


Huh. It actually kinda was. 

  
  


"Yeah." Panda admitted. "It was fun."

  
  


"Whoo!" Grizz glimpsed around the woodland. "I didn't know how late it was. We should get back to the cave, men." 

  
  


"Ice Bear needs to start dinner." 

  
  


"Then let's be on our merry way!" Grizz patted the wood of the swing. "I'll see you tomorrow!" 

  
  


Panda rolled his eyes. They got into a stack and hurried home before the last amount of light faded. 

  
  


Panda was hoping to get to chill out in the living room before dinner but the front door being opened severed that plan. They broke stack and Ice Bear pulled out his ax from a bush. 

  
  


"Is that really necessary?" Panda asked Ice Bear. He wanted to deny it could be a burglar. No one better be stealing his  _ stuff!  _

  
  


"Ice Bear doesn't take any chances." The polar bear entered the cave. 

  
  


"Well I'm not letting you go alone little bro!" Grizz followered Ice Bear. 

  
  


Panda, not wanting to be alone outside, quickly went after them. The interior seemed to be okay. Nothing was missing as far as he could tell. Then there was a sound from the kitchen. The cabinets being closed caused a ripple of fear to course through Panda's body. 

  
  


For the first time today, he was hoping he was going to see Charlie. It was better than it being an actual burglar. Ten times better! A hundred times better!

  
  


"Ice Bear demands to know who is there." He held up his ax as he crept towards the kitchen. 

  
  


"Yeah come out! We have a weapon and we won't hesitate to politely tell you to leave!" Grizz shouted. 

  
  


Panda facepalmed. 

  
  


But by dumb luck, a familiar bigfoot came racing out of the kitchen. "Whoa bears! It's just me!" 

  
  


Relief swamped Panda. Thank gosh it wasn't a burglar after all! He breathed to calm his pounding heart. 

  
  


"We're just glad it's you, man." Grizz said. 

  
  


Ice Bear lowered his ax. "Ice Bear is sorry for threatening Charlie with ax. Thought Charlie was a thief." 

  
  


"Aw it's alright!" Charlie waved a hand. "I kinda let myself in anyways. I hope it was okay. A bunch of humans were following me and this was the first place I like to go to try and hide."

  
  


"That's okay Charlie. You're welcome to hide here anytime you need man." Grizz told the bigfoot. 

  
  


"That means a lot!" Charlie hugged Grizz for a moment. "Thank you buddy!" Then he faced Ice Bear. "You deserve a hug too!" 

  
  


"Ice Bear doesn't do hugs." 

  
  


"Huh. You didn't say that when we were hugging not even ten minutes ago." Grizz got a thinking face. 

  
  


"Er...Ice Bear will go make dinner now." He fled to the kitchen before Grizz could get another word in. 

  
  


Panda froze when Charlie turned to him. "I've been saving the best for last!" His friend moved towards him. "Let me hug ya pumpkin!" 

  
  


Panda panicked and backed away before Charlie could hug him. "I..uh...no thanks Charlie." He stuttered. 

  
  


Charlie put his arms down. "Ah. Okay. Later then!" Panda didn't miss the look of disappointment in those blue eyes. It made his heart throb. 

  
  


Confused with his action, Panda whipped around and went into his room. He was angry with himself. 

  
  
Why did he do  _ that? _


	2. The Hug

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Finally updates THIS

Panda was buried under his blanket with earbuds in. Music blared in his ears and he had his eyes closed, humming quietly to the tune. 

  
  


He never really rejected a hug from Charlie before. Okay maybe he has in the past but things have changed. They've grown closer. He shouldn't be overthinking it yet he couldn't get that disappointed gaze of Charlie's out of his mind. 

  
  


Panda should go apologize. He didn't want to though. He much rather stay in bed longer where it was safe and comfortable and warm. But it would be the right thing to do, right? To go say sorry for potentially something so little? 

  
  


It might feel little but it actually wasn't. It was a big deal. A _huge_ deal. Not to him much but to Charlie he was sure. He wished he could care more. How do you care more? Without it seeming awkward or forced? 

  
  


He didn't know. He might never know. It was so frustrating for him!

  
  


The song he was listening to ended and he pulled out his earbuds forcefully. He sat up slowly, his blanket falling off his head. The bear let out a heavy sigh. 

  
  


Dinner was probably ready now. 

  
  


He wondered if Charlie left. He wouldn't find that out if he stayed in his room all night. Guess that meant he had to go out there. 

  
  


Groaning, Panda got off his bed and he left his phone along with the earbuds on his pillow. He went to his door and hesitated before opening it. The bear dug his claws slightly on the knob while he numbly stepped out into the hallway. 

  
  


Dread hollowed out his heart. 

  
  


He could hear chattering amongst his brothers….and Charlie too. 

  
  


Panda stopped right outside the kitchen. He peeked into the room and saw all three of them sitting around the kitchen table.

  
  


He caught the tail end of a story Charlie was telling Grizz and Ice Bear. He listened quietly, staying just out of sight. 

  
  


"-became one of my good friends!" Charlie was saying. "Aw. I'll never forget that day." He sighed softly. "Hey, do ya think Panda is gonna come out of his room? He's taking an awful long time." 

  
  


"I'm sure he will soon, man!" Grizz insisted. 

  
  


Panda drooped his ears. He was being a coward. He should just go in there and apologize. It shouldn't be that hard but it was. Anxiety kept him rooted to that spot. He continued to listen to the chatter in the kitchen in silence. 

  
  


His stomach suddenly rumbled and he just now noticed the wonderful scents of food filling up his nose. Gosh he was pretty _hungry._

  
  


Panda decided it was time to cave. He can't just stand there until dinner is over. He needs to walk in. 

  
  


Swallowing harshly, the striped bear forced one step forward. Right away Charlie spotted him. His blue eyes immediately sparkled at the sight of his bud entering. 

  
  


"Ah! Panda!" Charlie bubbled. "Ya finally decided to join us! Come on in here and sit!" 

  
  


"O-Okay." Panda crossed the kitchen and slowly sat down in front of his plate. He scooted his chair up, trying hard to not glimpse at Charlie. He was so tensed up he felt like he could crumble up into nothing at any moment. He could barely pick up his fork without his paw noticeably trembling. 

  
  


"Panda, are ya cold?" Charlie leaned over. "I can warm up with one of my hugs! I know ya love them!" 

  
  


"Sure." Panda mumbled, putting his fork back down. Maybe a hug would make him feel less guilty. 

  
  


Charlie wrapped one arm around Panda in a gentle side hug. The bigfoot smiled but the bear could clearly see there was a hint of worry in that blue gaze. 

  
  


Panda huffed quietly. "Okay. You can let me go now, Charlie." 

  
  


"Sure thing pumpkin!" Charlie removed his arm and resumed eating the food in front of him. 

  
  


Dinner had grown quiet since he had come into the kitchen. No one talked. It was just the sound of forks and fur shuffling. The silence began to get to Panda. If he didn't break it, he was sure he would lose his absolute _mind._

  
  


"So uh Charlie." He faced his friend. "What have you been up to?" Panda had no idea where the surge of confidence came from but he still found himself wanting to start a conversation with the bigfoot. He could feel Ice Bear and Grizz watching and he tried his hardest to not sweat from embarrassment. 

  
  


"Oh!" Charlie exclaimed. "Just been doing the usual. Hanging out with my forest friends and such!" There was a flicker of shyness on his features, as if he didn't expect Panda to ask about what he's done recently. 

  
  


Panda was pretty surprised at _himself._

Seeing Charlie looking shy made him feel shy as well. All the confidence he had in that one moment was gone out the window. He wasn't sure what to say next. Or how to carry on the very short lived conversation. So he turned away from Charlie and ate his dinner, the shyness feeling not melting away. 

  
  


"Hey!" Grizz began. "Why don't we watch a movie after dinner? There's this great one that came out recently that I really want to see!" 

  
  


"Oooo! I'm sure interested!" Charlie beamed excitedly. "What's it about?" 

  
  


"There's these robots who are evil and they destroy half the city and it's up to Captain Hero to save all the citizens!" 

  
  


"Whoa! Sounds interesting!" 

  
  


"Ice Bear wants to see buildings fall." 

  
  


"Wanna watch it with us, panpan?" Panda flinched. He didn't notice it was Grizz who asked him the question until he saw his older brother staring at him expectedly. 

  
  


"U-Uh..Sure!" Panda stuttered. His eyes turned to Charlie and their gazes met for a moment. In response, the warmth rose in his cheeks and the bear quickly stood up in a panic. "I got to go to the bathroom." 

  
  


"Wait Panda you didn't finish your dinner!" Grizz called after him. 

  
  


Panda closed the bathroom door with a heavy sigh. He rubbed his paws over his face and groaned. That was twice he just walked out. 

  
  


TWICE!

  
  


Panda groaned some more and decided to actually use the bathroom since he was here already. While he was washing his paws, there was a soft knock on the door. He opened it a few seconds later a little too harshly. 

  
  


Grizz stood there with a bowl of popcorn in his forepaws. "Um. Hey panpan! We're about to watch the movie if you still want to join." 

  
  


Panda was slow to answer. He looked to his room then back to Grizz. "I'm coming." He flicked the bathroom light off. 

  
  


"Your dinner is still on the table, man. If you want it!"

  
  


"Nah." Panda didn't feel as hungry anymore. He had no appetite. 

  
  


"Alright bro." Grizz turned away. "I'm so excited to see this movie!" 

  
  


Panda followed his big brother to the living room. The lamp was off and Ice Bear was busy setting up for the movie. Charlie was curled up on the far end of the couch with a jar of cheesy poofs and a blanket. 

  
  


He faced his head towards the pair as they came in. "Panda! You decided to join us!"

  
  


"...Yeah." Panda seated himself opposite of the bigfoot, crossing his arms as well. He wanted to sit next to Charlie….but he couldn't. His anxiety was too much. 

  
  


"I'm so glad!" Charlie extended his arm out towards the striped bear. "Want some cheesy poofs, buddy?" In his right hand was the cheesy snack. 

  
  


Panda unraveled his arms and hesitantly took a few of the cheeseballs. "Thanks Charlie." He stuffed them in his mouth, chewing on them slowly. 

  
  


"Of course!" 

  
  


"The movie is starting." Ice Bear declared. "Watch." 

  
  


"Nice! I will watch the heck out of it!" Grizz sat in between Charlie and Panda and munched on a pawful of popcorn. Ice Bear sat on the chair by the couch just as the movie really started. 

  
  


Panda didn't really enjoy it. He wasn't invested in things being exploded. Action packed stuff wasn't really his cup of tea.

  
  


He watched it anyway because he had nothing better to do. He didn't want to walk away again because it would be rude. Three times too much. 

  
  


Panda anticipated the moment when the credits would roll and he would no longer have a reason to stay. But an hour later, the movie still wasn't _over._ It felt like they were only reaching the climax of the plot. 

  
  


"Pssst Grizz." Panda leaned over to his brother. "How long is this?" 

  
  


"Two hours plus a half!" Grizz whispered back, eyes intent on the screen. 

  
  


Panda's heart _dropped._ Two hours and a _half?!_ Gosh dangit! He sulked. He wasn't looking forward to sitting there for another hour and a half. 

  
  


"Hold on, I gotta go to the B-Room!" Grizz left behind the now empty bowl of popcorn and rushed out. 

  
  


Panda swallowed hard. The air where Grizz was went cold. He peeked at Charlie and saw that the bigfoot was focusing on the movie just as intently as Grizz was. He exhaled heavily. 

  
  


He wanted to sit next to Charlie but couldn't get himself to move an inch in that direction. Another loud explosion sounded on the TV and Panda jumped in response. 

  
  


Panda brought one paw up to his face. He was getting bored. 

  
  


Grizz returned from the bathroom and plopped himself back in between Panda and Charlie. "Did I miss anything?" The grizzly bear asked.

  
  


"Just another explosion." Panda mumbled. 

  
  


"Ahhh! Really? Those are my favorite parts!" Grizz picked up the popcorn bowl. He let out a disappointed noise. "Out of popcorn too! I'll just go make another bag!" 

  
  


"I'll do it, Grizz." Panda offered. It was an excuse to get up. 

  
  


"Aw really?!" Grizz handed him the bowl. "Thank you bro!" 

  
  


"No problem." Panda left the couch and headed into the kitchen with the bowl. He got out a popcorn bag and popped it into the microwave. He stood there while it cooked, twirling his forepaws impatiently. 

  
  


A set of footsteps caused Panda to tense up. He was hoping he would get to have a moment of peace but apparently not. 

  
  


"Hey. Uh. Panda!" _Charlie._

  
  


"Oh. Hey Charlie." Panda kept his attention on the microwave. He was scared to even glimpse in the bigfoot's direction. 

  
  


"I...I was wondering if ya were doing alright…You seem kinda...agitated tonight." Charlie stepped a little closer but stopped himself. "Ya my best friend and I'm willing to listen to a best friend! So if ya need to chat with lil ole Charlie….I'm here!" 

  
  


Panda stared at the floor. "Thanks Charlie….but I'm okay." 

  
  


"Ya sure pumpkin? I-I know it can be hard to talk about stuff."

  
  


Was that a stutter? Did Charlie just stutter? Was he really that worried about Panda? 

  
  


Panda finally looked at Charlie. There was so much he did want to say...the words just couldn't form. 

  
  


"I'm sure." He lied. 

  
  


"Alright!" Charlie moved in a little closer. "Also Panda...ya got a little cheesy poof on your face." He licked one of his fingers and wiped the corner of Panda's mouth. "There! I got it." 

  
  


Panda's legs went wobbly. His cheeks flushed red. His heart began to pound in this chest. 

  
  


Charlie paused for a moment, right near Panda's face. Blue blush developed on the bigfoot's own cheeks. 

  
  


Panda's breath hitched in his throat. 

  
  


Charlie's eyes were so...nice this close. Panda thought they were black but actually they were a pretty deep blue. As dark as the deep ocean and Panda was beginning to fall into those depths…

  
  


He was pulled out of the water when the microwave beeped. 

  
  


Charlie stood up straight and cleared his throat. "Sounds like ya popcorn is done!" 

  
  


"Yeah...yeah.." Panda opened the microwave, took out the popcorn bag, and teared it open with a claw. He poured the steaming snack pieces into the bowl and tossed the bag into the trash. 

  
  


"Let's...get back to the movie." 

  
  


"After you pumpkin!" 

  
  


Panda walked back into the living room with head lowered. He was too distracted for the rest of the movie to even watch it. 

  
  


Ice Bear turned the TV off once the credits rolled and switched on the lamp light. Grizz had long fallen asleep on Panda's shoulder. It was getting close to very late. 

  
  


Panda was getting sleepy himself. He poked Grizz awake and his big brother went off to get ready for bed. 

  
  


Ice Bear retreated to the kitchen with the snack bowls and didn't come back. 

  
  


"Well I better be heading on out!" Charlie said. He stood and brushed himself off. "I'll see ya later, Panda." 

  
  


Panda stood up too. "Yeah...see ya later man...Goodnight." His chest throbbed. His heart urged him to spill out his true feelings to Charlie but...what if it was a mistake? 

  
  


Charlie was already pretty affectionate to him…but it could just be a friendship thing. 

  
  


Right? 

  
  


Charlie saw Panda as his best friend. It couldn't be more than that. 

  
  


"Goodnight panpan." Charlie leaned down and kissed Panda on the forehead. 

  
  


Panda felt his cheeks blaze once again. Before Charlie could move away, the bear hugged him tightly. Panda buried his face into the bigfoot's chest, holding back a few tears. 

  
  


Panda could feel the surprise coming from Charlie. The striped bear smiled softly when he felt those long arms hold him back. 

  
  


"Panda...I…" Charlie had pure happiness in his voice. It was the first time Panda had ever initiated a hug. This must be a dream come true for the bigfoot. 

  
  


"...Shut up." Panda whispered. "This isn't an all the time thing so...just _enjoy it."_

  
  


"Yes sir!" Charlie giggled quietly and he continued to hug Panda. 

  
  


Just a few more minutes…This was how he was apologizing for earlier. It was the only way he knew how. And he was doing it for him too. He needed comfort. 

  
  


Everything has been super stressful as of late. Coming out was the hardest thing to do. He still felt like he had to sneak around because he feared if his brothers knew his crush was Charlie….he was scared they would think of him in a different light. 

  
  


Saying he was bisexual was one thing...telling them he loved Charlie was another. He just needed time. 

  
  


Panda pulled out of the hug with a sniffle. He didn't notice he was crying. Why the heck was he crying? Gosh he was so emotional. 

  
  


"Ya alright pumpkin?" Charlie asked. 

  
  


Panda nodded. "Yes. Yeah. I'm alright. I... nevermind." 

  
  


"Alrighty!" Charlie headed to the door backwards. "I'm gonna stop by tomorrow if ya don't mind! I love hanging around y'all!" 

  
  


"Come by anytime, Charlie." Panda rolled his eyes with a slight smile. 

  
  


"I will!" Charlie opened the door. "Bye Panda!" 

  
  


"Byyeee Charlie." 

  
  


The door was closed and Charlie was gone. 

  
  


Panda stayed in that spot long after the bigfoot had left. He was partially hoping the door would reopen and Charlie would come back but it never did. He turned around with a happy sigh and went to get ready for sleep.


	3. Glad I met you...

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This smells like gay romance lol

Panda awoke the next morning with a tired yawn. The day was dark with the usual sunlight vacant from his room. It must be cloudy today. 

  
  


The striped bear climbed out of bed and stretched his arms up, letting out an even bigger yawn. He felt oddly peaceful. Mornings for him were often him staying an extra ten minutes in his soft warm bed. 

  
  


But not today apparently. 

  
  


He carried on his standard morning ritual. Going to the bathroom. Washing his paws. Cleaning his face. Brushing his teeth in that order. He noticed neither of his brothers were awake yet. Dang it must be  _ really  _ early then if they weren't. 

  
  


Panda headed into the kitchen and decided to try to make breakfast. Pancakes were pretty simple to make and thankfully he had everything he needed to make them. 

  
  


He wondered when Charlie would show his lovely face. Charlie hadn't said an exact time so his visit would be sudden and unpredictable. Not that Panda didn't mind anymore. He gradually got used to it over time. 

  
  


He mixed up the batter for the  _ non vegan _ pancakes and turned the stove on. He made an extra bowl for his own vegan pancakes. He fetched a pan while retrieving a stick of butter. He's seen Ice Bear make pancakes many times and he always buttered up the pan before pouring the first cake on. 

  
  


It took a bit for Panda to find the spatula and the first pancake nearly burned because of that. He wasn't sure when they needed to be flipped and of course he turned to one thing: the internet. 

  
  


The internet  _ had  _ all the answers. 

  
  


When the pancakes stopped bubbling was when you flipped them. But how do you know when the other side was cooked enough? 

  
  


Panda just had to guess he assumed. Soon he had a whole stack of pancakes ready to eat. The stove was turned off and the pan thrown in the sink along with the spatula. The two bowls were placed in the sink as well. 

  
  


Half of the pancakes were partially burnt but a lot of syrup would hide it probably. 

  
  


Panda sat at the table with a tired sigh and looked at his social media. It wouldn't be long before his brothers woke up. At least he hoped. 

  
  


He startled when the fridge opened up and Ice Bear stepped out. 

  
  


"Morning bro." Panda greeted without staring up from his screen. 

  
  


"Ice Bear says morning." Ice Bear's gaze landed on the pancakes Panda had made. "Panda made pancakes?" 

  
  


Panda glimpsed at his younger brother, a nervous smile planted on his features. "Y-Yeah. Thought it would be nice to make my brothers some breakfast haha.." 

  
  


"Ice Bear is grateful." The polar bear squinted curiously. "Panda seems bright. What happened?" 

  
  


"N-Nothing!" Panda avoided his brother's eyes. "I wanted to make food! Why is that unusual?" 

  
  


"Not unusual." Ice Bear still didn't seem convinced but he didn't question further. "Ice Bear will go wake up our other brother."

  
  


"Okay.." Panda slid down the back of his chair, letting the paw holding his phone dangle over the edge. "I'll get plates out." 

  
  


"Alright." Ice Bear left the kitchen and Panda quickly set up the table. He found the syrup, placed the bottle on the table, and got three forks for each of them. 

  
  


Ice Bear reemerged with Grizz trailing behind him. "I knew I smelled pancakes!" His older brother piped. "Gosh I'm so hungry!" 

  
  


Panda sat back in his chair with a shudder. He didn't know what his brothers would think of his ability to cook. They better not sugarcoat it if they taste terrible! 

  
  


Once they were all seated together, they split the pancakes. Panda made sure his vegan pancakes and Grizz and Ice Bear's regular pancakes were mixed up. Syrup was poured and forks were picked up. 

  
  


Panda watched his brothers to see their reactions. 

  
  


"Ice Bear thinks Panda did a great job." He said after a few bites. 

  
  


"Yeah!" Grizz agreed. "These are fantastic, panpan!" He wolfed down all three of the pancakes on his plate. 

  
  


Panda felt relieved. "Really?" 

  
  


"Heck yeah!" Grizz beamed. "You're awesome enough for one of those baking shows you watch." 

  
  


Panda on The Great British Bake-off? As if! Plus being on TV would be way too much for him to handle. 

  
  


"Ice Bear gives Panda a ten out of ten." 

  
  


"Thanks bros…" Panda felt gratitude swell up in his chest. He ate his own pancakes, realizing he was  _ very hungry.  _ "I want to save some for Charlie so please don't eat them  _ all _ ." 

  
  


Grizz got a funny look. Not in a bad way. Just 'I want to ask a question.' look. Knowing Grizz, it was going to a nosy question.

  
  


"I'll try to hold myself back!" Grizz's expression was replaced with a determined one. "You can count on me, bro!" He still had that curious stare. He was so loud even without words and it was pricking at Panda. The striped bear did his best to ignore it and finish his breakfast. 

  
  


"Ice Bear is done." Ice Bear stood up with half a pancake left on his plate. "Ice Bear will clean up. Will save food for Charlie." 

  
  


"You don't have to, little bro." Panda insisted. He stood up too, ready to grab the plates.

  
  


Ice Bear stopped him by a paw on his chest. "No. Panda made breakfast for Ice Bear and big bro. It is the least Ice Bear can do for Panda." 

  
  


Panda didn't feel like arguing. "Okay…" Might as well give into Ice Bear. He stepped away from the table and sighed. "I'll just." He left the kitchen slowly. 

  
  


He felt the presence of Grizz following him into the living room. They plopped down on the couch, side by side. It was intense silence. Long and full of torture. He knew his older brother wanted to ask said question. He could feel it so strong, radiating off Grizz and filling the room. 

  
  


Anxiety swamped Panda. Sweat beaded on his head. For crying out loud!

  
  


"What is it, Grizz?" Panda huffed. "I know you want to ask me  _ something."  _

  
  


"Sorry bro. I'm." Grizz seemed hesitant. That was strange. "...Are you alright?" 

  
  


"What makes you  _ ask?"  _

  
  


"Bro...you never make us stuff. Not often!" Grizz swallowed noticeably. "You always cook when you're upset. Or feeling powerful emotions. You get what I'm saying, panpan?" 

  
  


Panda gulped. Of course he knew what Grizz meant. He was the type of bear to avoid how he felt.  _ Through distractions.  _ Whether it was being on his phone for hours at a time, rewatching shows all day, or straight up baking for his brothers. 

  
  


The list goes on. 

  
  


Once, he filled up a whole sketchbook staying up all night. So he understood what Grizz was trying to say. 

  
  


"Y-Ye-Yeah. I do." Panda stuttered. "But I'm seriously  _ okay _ , brother." 

  
  


"Just making sure!" Grizz hugged Panda. "I care about you, Panda! Don't forget about that, okay?" 

  
  


Panda returned the hug. "I know." He closed his eyes. "I care about you too…and little bro.." 

  
  


"You better!" Grizz chuckled softly. "I won't nag you about this current crush of yours. You're a personal bear!"

  
  


They broke out of the hug. "Yep. And you're the 'I spill all my thoughts out cuz I don't care' bear ." 

  
  


Grizz pouted hard. "You know me  _ way _ too well!" 

  
  


"Did Ice Bear miss out on a family hug?" 

  
  


Panda and Grizz faced their youngest brother. 

  
  


"We can still have another!" Grizz said. "Get on in here, little bro!" 

  
  


Ice Bear joined in on the second hug, all three of them seated on the couch. "Ice Bear loves Grizz and Panda." 

  
  


"Aw I love you too!" Grizz smiled wide. " And I love you, Panda!" 

  
  


"I love you guys too…" Panda's mouth turned upwards a little. They continued to hug each other for a long time. They turned the TV on and watched a movie together. It was quite nice. 

  
  


Panda was lucky to have such great brothers. What would he do without them? 

  
  


His thoughts lingered to Charlie. 

  
  


What would his life be like without Charlie in it? 

  
  
  


°°°°°

  
  
  


Some time later at nearly noon, Panda was taking a nap on the couch. His eyes twitched as he dreamed. Grizz and Ice Bear were in the other room, preparing lunch. 

  
  


A loud crash is what jolted the bear awake. He fell off the couch onto his back and gasped.

  
  


"Panda!" A familiar face loomed over him with concern. "Oh sorry buddy! I didn't mean to scare you awake! Sorry!" 

  
  


Panda intaked a sharp breath. " _ Charlie."  _ He growled low. 

  
  


"Here! Let me help ya!" Charlie hoisted Panda off the floor and cradled the bear close. "Are you hurt?" 

  
  


" _ No."  _ Panda struggled slightly. He still wasn't fully awake. "I'm fine. Just woken up too  _ soon."  _

  
  


"Heh sorry…" Charlie rested Panda back down on the couch. The bigfoot pulled the blanket back over the bear. "Why are you sleeping right now anyways? It's the middle of the day!" 

  
  


"Ever heard about pandas?" Panda said sourly. "We take a lot of  _ naps."  _

  
  


"But you're no ordinary panda!" 

  
  


"What? Have you met another panda before?" 

  
  


"Nope! You're the one and only." Charlie finger-gunned and winked. 

  
  


Panda blushed. He buried his face into his pillow with embarrassment. 

  
  


"Aw you still sleepy?" Charlie patted his blanket gently. "I'll leave ya to continue your nap!" 

  
  


" _ No."  _ Panda mumbled. He quickly grabbed Charlie's hand.

  
  


Charlie yelped quietly as he was pulled back. "Oh! I'll stay in here then!" He sat down on the floor beside the couch. "So how has your day been, pumpkin?" 

  
  


"It's been...good." Panda lifted his head to face Charlie. His paw was still holding Charlie's fingers and he didn't want to let them go. Charlie didn't seem to mind either. "What about yours, Charlie?"

  
  


"I've been having fun just like always!" Charlie grinned. "But I couldn't wait to see ya again!" The bigfoot scooted a little closer towards Panda. He gently stroked the pads on Panda's paw. "I really enjoy your company, Panpan." 

  
  


Panda turned pink in the cheeks. His paw tingled from the gentle touch. He nearly melted into a puddle from it. "I...I do too...C-Charlie…" 

  
  


"R-Really…?" Charlie grew flustered. 

  
  


"Y-" 

  
  


"Panda!" Grizz called from the kitchen. "Lunch is ready! Come and get it before I eat it!" 

  
  


"Ugh Grizz!" Panda pulled his paw away from Charlie. He sat up and his blanket fell off. Charlie scooted away, looking a little annoyed by the interruption. Panda felt annoyed too. Majorly annoyed. "Don't you dare, man!" 

  
  


"Then come on!" 

  
  


"S-Sorry Charlie…" Panda quietly apologized. 

  
  


"It's all good!" Charlie smiled. "Ya go eat some lunch." 

  
  


"Do you want to join? I'm s-sure little bro can…" 

  
  


"Nah!" Charlie cut Panda off. "It's alright, pumpkin. I've already eaten." The bigfoot stood. "I might as well head on out." 

  
  


"But…"  _ You just got here! _

  
  


"Ya don't want me to go?" Charlie looked surprised at that. Panda wished it wasn't a surprise for him.

  
  


"I...no.." Panda quietly replied. He felt really shy. Like he wanted to curl up in a ball shy. 

  
  


"If ya really want me to stay…" 

  
  


"I  _ do."  _

  
  


"Alright!" Charlie moved to sit beside Panda.  _ Closely.  _ "I'll love to stay!" 

  
  


Panda shyly smiled at his friend. 

  
  


Charlie smiled back with loving eyes. 

  
  


Panda felt weak when Charlie slowly started to lean in closer. Was he…?! Were they going…?! Panda instinctively began to lean in too, mild anxiety shaking him. 

  
  


"Panda?" Grizz came into the living room. Panda and Charlie quickly moved away, straightening up. "Are you coming? Oh hey Charlie!" He was oblivious to what just was going on a second before. 

  
  


"Hey Grizz!" Charlie waved. 

  
  


"Yeah I'm coming." Panda said irritably.  _ Interrupted again!?  _ Plus what was that? Could Charlie actually like him  _ back?  _ They nearly freaking kissed! 

  
  


"Good!" Grizz rubbed the back of his head. "I didn't actually eat your food, panpan! I was just joking!" 

  
  


"Great." Panda slid off the couch. "We saved you some pancakes, Charlie. You probably don't want them though."

  
  


"Oooo pancakes!" Charlie's blue eyes sparkled. Panda's stomach flipped. "I would love some!" 

  
  


"Panda made them himself!" Grizz told the bigfoot.

  
  


"Wowie! I bet they're gonna taste like the best pancakes in the world!"

  
  


"Thanks, Charlie.." 

  
  


"Of course!" 

  
  


Grizz looked between the two. 

  
  


Panda secretly hoped their tinted pink and blue faces weren't too visible in the light. But he had the sneaking suspicion Grizz had an idea of what was happening. 

He worriedly stroked his own arm in fear of it being so. 

  
  
  


°°°°°

  
  
  


After lunch, Panda decided to retreat to his room. He invited Charlie to come along too. Hang out and stuff. There were drawings Panda wanted to do and there was no reason Charlie couldn't join him. 

  
  


Panda carefully tore a few blank papers out of his sketchbook for Charlie to doodle on. They drew together on the floor of his room. 

  
  


"Hey panpan look at this!" Charlie held up a sheet of paper. On it was a drawing of himself with a yellow sun in the corner. "Ya like it?" 

  
  


"It looks good, Charlie." Panda chuckled, only staring up for a second to glance at Charlie's artwork. He focused back on his own drawing which was not yet complete. 

  
  


"Whatcha working on buddy?" Charlie leaned in to glimpse over Panda's shoulder. 

  
  


Panda didn't usually enjoy people looking over his shoulder at his art but he felt utterly calm. "It's an anime character I like." 

  
  


"Oooo what's their name?" 

  
  


"Um. M-Mew Mew~Chan!" Panda stuttered. 

  
  


"Sounds awesome!" Charlie tucked his chin on Panda's shoulder. "Mind if I watch ya?" 

  
  


"I don't m-mind!" Panda continued to work on Mew Mew~Chan with much difficulty. It was hard to focus with Charlie's cheek pressed against his own. It sent all the blood rushing to his face. 

  
  


"Hey pumpkin?" 

  
  


"Y-Yeah..?" 

  
  


Charlie took the pencil Panda was using out of his paw and he placed it on the floor. "..Can I hug ya…?" 

  
  


"Y-Yeah man." 

  
  


The bigfoot wrapped his long arms around the bear and kept his head where it was. 

  
  


Panda sighed softly and brought his paws up to clutch at Charlie's hands. He closed his eyes, butterflies swirling around in his stomach. He didn't question if this was real or not. He hoped wholeheartedly that it  _ was  _ really happening.

  
  


"Panda…" Charlie began in a gentle whisper. 

  
  


"..Y-Yes...?" 

  
  


"I'm glad I met ya…" 

  
  


"...M-Me too, Charlie…" Several heartbeats passed. Panda didn't want to talk anymore. He just wanted to enjoy this for the time being. 

  
  


Charlie didn't speak either. It was just them and no one else. The world around them seemed to become non-existent. Panda never wanted the moment to end but eventually did when there was a knock on his bedroom door. 

  
  


"Hey Panda! Charlie!" Grizz called out. "We're going into the city for some froyo if you want to come!" 

  
  


The pair stood up off the floor. 

  
  


"I…" Charlie looked uncertain. "I don't think I wanna go into the city today..panpan." 

  
  


"That's fine, man!" Panda pushed down his disappointment. "N-No one's making you..We can just stay here."

  
  


"No! You go with your brothers!" Charlie insisted. "I know how much ya love that soft stuff so I can't keep ya from that!

  
  


"A-Are you s-sure…?" 

  
  


"Very sure!" 

  
  


"O-Okay.." Panda opened his door. "Yeah. I'll go." 

  
  


"What about Charlie?" Ice Bear asked. 

  
  


"I'm gonna hang back on this one fellas." Charlie answered before Panda could. "I hope ya have a good time!"

  
  


"Aw thanks Charlie." Grizz smiled. "We'll see you soon, buddy!"

  
  


"Maybe you could come back for dinner tonight?" Panda offered. 

  
  


"Maybe! I'll have to look at my schedule." Charlie let out a breath of air. "Gonna make time for all my forest friends too!" 

  
  


"Oh. Okay!" Panda smiled strongly as they all headed out. 

  
  


Ice Bear closed the door behind them.

  
  


"Well. I'll see y'all all later!" Charlie told the bears. "Especially  _ you,  _ pumpkin!" The bigfoot planted a kiss on Panda's cheek before running off into the trees. 

  
  


"Bye Charlie!" Grizz waved. 

  
  


Panda touched where Charlie had kissed him. He smiled bright while feeling warm inside. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Maybe actual angst next chap? ;3


	4. "It's a...!"

A few days had passed by. 

  
  


There was no sign of Charlie. 

  
  


Panda was beginning to get worried. Where was that bigfoot? 

  
  


Their chest ached at the thought of something terrible happening to their friend. Maybe it would be a good time to travel to Charlie's pad. Surely that was where they would be? 

  
  


Panda was probably worrying over nothing. Charlie  _ did  _ disappear for days at a time. A week even! This wasn't  _ that  _ unusual! But he was having an icky feeling that he couldn't shake off. 

  
  


Maybe he really should go  _ check.  _ It would end his worries. 

  
  


He headed to the front but was stopped short by Grizz's voice. 

  
  


"Hey panpan!" Grizz waltzed into the living room with Ice Bear following. "Me and little bro were thinking about going to the ice cream shop! Wanna come?" 

  
  


"I...um. I c-can't!" 

  
  


"Why not?" Grizz tilted his head. 

  
  


"I got to…" Panda's eyes trailed over to the plant to the right. "I have to water all the plants!" 

  
  


"Ice Bear watered plants this morning."

  
  


"Are you sure?" Panda crossed their arms, putting on a suspicious face. 

  
  


"Ice Bear is sure." 

  
  


"Well it's really hot, man! Don't plants need to be watered several times a day in the summer?" 

  
  


Grizz sighed loudly. "It can wait until after ice cream! Now come on, brothers!" 

  
  


Panda didn't think they were getting out of this one. He can't exactly say he wanted to go see Charlie to see if they were okay. His brothers would wonder why and then raid him with dozens of questions and at that point, there's no escaping. 

  
  


"Fine." Panda frowned. He pouted as they stacked. He pouted on the subway and pouted all the way to the ice cream shop. His spirits brightened a little at all the ice cream. He could never resist ice cream. Even when he was in the baddest of moods. 

  
  


Maybe he could bring Charlie some? He didn't think that the bigfoot has tried ice cream before. Plus it would probably be completely melted by the time Panda found them.

  
  


"Decide what you want, Panda?" Grizz sliced through his thoughts. 

  
  


Panda blinked. "Wha? Huh?"

  
  


"Me and little bro had already picked!" Grizz walked up to the counter with money ready. Ice Bear trailed the oldest brother. 

  
  


"What would you like?" The person at the parlor asked Panda with a friendly smile. 

  
  


"I..uh. Two scoops of chocolate!" Panda blurted. The employee didn't seem fazed. They probably get nervously shouted at often. 

  
  


"Cup or cone? Size?"

  
  


"Cup. Please. Medium." Panda croaked, feeling incredibly embarrassed. He numbly joined his brothers at the register, feeling nervous and icky and anxious. 

  
  


"Is Panda okay?" Ice Bear asked him.

  
  


"I'm fine." Panda didn't meet their younger brother's gaze. "Just a little thirsty. It's really warm today!" 

  
  


"Nothing a little ice cream can't solve!" Grizz piped. "And water. We should get water." 

  
  


The employee brought all their orders over to the register and placed them on the counter. "That will be 8.23." 

  
  


"Can you add three water bottles to that?" 

  
  


"Of course, sir!" 

  
  


Panda stared outside the window while Grizz paid and watched the cars cruise by. He exhaled. Why can't they get Charlie out of their mind? 

  
  


"Come on little brother!" Grizz said to the faraway panda bear. "Let's sit outside!" 

  
  


Panda retrieved their cup of ice cream and their bottle of water and they quickly followed Grizz and Ice Bear. The three of them settled around a black metal table with uncomfortable chairs. 

  
  


Panda didn't notice it though. He absentmindedly ate his chocolate ice cream, barely savoring his favorite flavor.

  
  


"Hey bears!" A familiar voice brought him back to earth and he looked towards the source. A ginger haired girl walked up to the table with a warm smile. 

  
  


Panda recognized her immediately. 

  
  


_ Lucy.  _

  
  


His previous love. Okay it was more of a crush than anything. But he found his feelings for Lucy had faded over time. He discovered his feelings for Charlie were far stronger than anything he felt for anyone else in his entire life. 

  
  


Wait that couldn't mean...was he most definitely in  _ love  _ with Charlie?! 

  
  


"Hey Lucy!" Grizz greeted. "It's been a while!" 

  
  


"Yeah it has, hasn't it?" Lucy beamed. "Mind if I sit for a second?"

  
  


"Of course!" 

  
  


Lucy scooted out a chair and plopped down into it. "So how have you guys been doing?" 

  
  


"Great actually!" Grizz took a bit of his ice cream cone. "We were actually made official citizens of San Francisco recently!" He pulled out a card and handed it to Lucy. "We got identification cards and everything!" 

  
  


"That's so cool!" Lucy gave the ID card back to Grizz where he tucked it back safely in his fur. "I'm so happy for you, guys."

  
  


"Ice Bear says thank you." 

  
  


"No problem!" Lucy suddenly turned to Panda. "Hi Panda! I don't remember the last time we've talked. How are you?" 

  
  


"Uh. I'm good!" Panda stuttered. "H-How are things with you and K-Kale..?"

  
  


"They're running pretty smoothly! Geez he's such a great guy." Lucy got a lovely dovey gaze. 

  
  


"Heheh!" Grizz chuckled. "Sounds like it!" 

  
  


"That's great. Lucy." Panda uttered out. This felt so awkward. They were so close to just curling up in a ball and hoped the whole world would vanish around them.

  
  


There were several beats of silence. Grizz was the first to break it naturally. And Panda was  _ horrified  _ with the words that came out of his brother's mouth. 

  
  


"Do you know Panda has a crush?" 

  
  


"Oooo really?" Lucy leaned her elbows on the table. "Who is it?" 

  
  


"Don't know! He won't tell us!" Grizz pouted. "Maybe you can get it out of them." 

  
  


"No one is getting anything out of  _ me."  _ Panda hissed. 

  
  


"Whoa! Looks like we got an angry bear on our hands." Grizz laughed nervously. 

  
  


"Come on Panda! You have to at least tell me her name." Lucy begged. 

  
  


"I…" Panda flushed. Lucy didn't know he was Bisexual! Dang it Grizz! Putting him on the spot! "It's not…. It's not a girl…" He mumbled. 

  
  


Lucy's eyes widened. "Oh whoops. I didn't mean to assume! What are their pronouns?"

  
  


Panda sweated out of embarrassment. "He…. They….?" 

  
  


"Oh awesome!" 

  
  


"Wait doesn't Charlie use-" 

  
  


Panda gave Grizz the coldest glare he could muster. It didn't work. 

  
  


"Ice Bear thinks Charlie does." 

  
  


Lucy looked confused. "Wait who's Charlie?" 

  
  


"They're...a f-friend." Panda's ears pinned backwards. 

  
  


"How come I've never seen them before?" Lucy didn't seem to notice Panda's growing tension. He was honestly glad for that.

  
  


"Charlie nervous around people." Ice Bear answered for Panda. 

  
  


"Ah. That's understandable." Lucy's phone began to ring in her pocket and she tugged it out. "Oh shoot! I got to go, bears. I completely forgot I was supposed to be meeting Kale." 

  
  


"It's all good!" Grizz assured as Lucy stood up. "See you later, Lucy!" 

  
  


"Bye Lucy." Ice Bear waved goodbye. 

  
  


"Bye Lucy.." Panda muttered while staring at the ground. He shoved his ice cream away from him. He didn't want any more.

  
  


Lucy tossed one last wave at them before rushing away. 

  
  


Panda watched as she did then let his gaze fall back to the ground.

  
  


"Hey panpan, do you want the rest of your ice cream?" Grizz reached for the cup. 

  
  


"No." Panda inhaled. "You can have it." He slid down the back of his chair and huffed. He hoped they would be going home soon.

  
  
  


°°°°°

  
  
  


They returned back to the cave after the ice cream parlor. 

  
  


The brothers parted ways. Ice Bear headed into the kitchen. Grizz closed the door to his room and rock music started playing within the room almost immediately. 

  
  


It was Panda's chance to sneak out and go find Charlie. He went to the bathroom first and made sure his fur looked neat before he departed once again from their home. 

  
  


The striped bear hurried through the woods, going towards the north. He flinched as he stepped on sticks and many forest creatures crossed his path. He cried out when a snake suddenly fell on him from the branches above and he quickly grabbed it. 

  
  


He recognized this particular snake right away. The white and black markings gave it away. 

  
  


"P-Panda Jr…?" The snake hissed softly. If a snake could even do that. Panda Jr. wrapped himself around Panda's neck, settling his head on the bear's shoulder. 

  
  


Panda fought their fear of snakes and they continued on to Charlie's pad, slightly trembling. Oh gosh he sincerely hoped the bigfoot was here. 

  
  


He would've walked here for absolutely nothing!

  
  


"Charlie?" Panda called out softly once the pad was in sight. No response. They said the bigfoot's name a little louder and there was a shuffle, coming from the car itself. 

  
  


Panda approached the broken down vehicle and Panda Jr. quickly slid off Panda and he slithered away into the bushes. The bear could properly relax now without worrying about a snake that might bite him. 

  
  


"Charlie…come on...I know you're there." Panda peeped into one of the back windows and sure enough, there was Charlie sitting in the seat. 

  
  


Charlie turned away from Panda swiftly, bringing his knees up to his chest. Were they ignoring him? 

  
  


Panda sighed heavily. "Come on man! What's wrong?" They tried the door but it was locked. There was no way in. His heart ached in his chest. 

  
  


He didn't like this! 

  
  


"C-Charlie..are you a-alright…?" Panda's eyes teared up. "...D-Did I say something wrong…?" He rapidly wiped at his face. "...Oh geez….I'm sorry if I d-did….I'm such a dingle…."

  
  


What a cry baby!

  
  


Plus this wasn't even about  _ him!  _ This was about  _ Charlie!  _ Something was going on with his friend and he didn't have a clue with what it could be. 

  
  


Charlie didn't budge. This was so unlike his friend…..

  
  


Panda felt his concern growing stronger by the minute. Annoyance overtook them as well and they jingled the door handle some more. 

  
  


He stepped back, feeling hopeless. 

  
  


It was clear Charlie wasn't going to open the door. 

  
  


All he could do now was go home. It was getting dark. He didn't want to be caught out at night in the woods. The fireflies were beginning to flicker among the trees and ground too. Another sure sign that night was falling.

  
  


"I'll s-see you later, Charlie…I...If you need someone…." Panda swallowed hard. He ignored his shaking paws in order to go on talking. ".... I'm...h-here…." He turned away to re-enter the forest, knowing there would be nothing more that could be done. 

  
  


Panda understood what it was like to want to be alone. He needed to be alone in order to wind down at the end of the day. He wouldn't be able to sleep if he didn't get to. 

  
  


It would be best to just give Charlie some more space. 

  
  


Before Panda could leave the pad, they heard a click and the sound of a car door swinging open. They faced back and saw that the back door was swaying a teeny bit. 

  
  


Charlie said nothing. But the door opening was evidence enough that Panda shouldn't leave. At least not right now. 

  
  


Panda silently returned to the small home's side on silent pawsteps. He peered in the backseat and they were taken back by Charlie's intense stare in the growing darkness. 

  
  


Charlie patted the seat beside him and Panda tensely sat down beside his friend. His best friend. A friend he has known for a few years now. They numbly closed the door that brought about a loud thud. 

  
  


It was uncomfortably quiet for a long time. Neither moved. Neither shifted.

  
  


Panda could feel Charlie gazing at him, as if he was waiting for the bear to speak first. But what would he say? Why was the bigfoot acting so strange? 

  
  


Finally Charlie  _ talked.  _ It was very soft. 

  
  


Panda had to strain his ears in order to hear it. 

  
  


"It ain't ya, panpan…"

  
  


"T-Then what is it…?" Panda whispered. "...What's  _ wrong _ ?" 

  
  


Charlie gazed out the window opposite of Panda, speaking a little bit louder. "I guess...heh heh...I guess I kinda panicked the last time I was at the cave…" 

  
  


Panda was puzzled. 

  
  


_ Why? _

  
  


Did...Did it have to do with them almost…. _ kissing…?  _ It couldn't be that, right? The thought of it sent warmth into the bear's cheeks. "W-Why...?" 

  
  


Charlie blushed too. Though it was hard to see in the shadows. "I...Your good ole friend Charlie just needed to get away for a little bit!" He smiled forcefully. "Sometimes I need a little me time!" 

  
  


Panda wasn't sure what to say in response to that. He had a feeling Charlie was lying. But why would Charlie lie? It didn't make sense! Were they hiding something?

  
  


Why would they hide something if it was hurting them? 

  
  


Then it dawned on Panda. He has done the exact same thing. He has kept the darkest and the much more scary parts of his 'personality' to himself. They didn't like to show it in fear of those around them judging. 

  
  


Some would rather suffer themselves then bring suffering to others by speaking how they feel. Panda hated to admit it but he was beginning to become one of those people. There was no point worrying his brothers about his mind. Or anyone at that. 

  
  


Not even Charlie. 

  
  


"You've had your ' _ me time.' "  _ Panda said briskly once he got the courage. They didn't know where this came from. "But now it's over. So you can tell me what's going on, man! Please?" 

  
  


"P-Panda...I...I…" Charlie was stunned. As if he didn't expect this to come from Panda. The seriousness. The bluntless. "..I c-can't…"

  
  


Panda inhaled and exhaled. They needed to find the patience for Charlie to speak their mind. They were going to get nowhere if he kept pressing the bigfoot. He just wanted to help! 

  
  


Why was this so dang frustrating?

  
  


"I'm not going to judge  _ you,  _ Charlie. Y-You...can talk to me...O-Okay…?" Panda reached for Charlie's closest hand and they gently stroked it. "...Just take your  _ time." _

  
  


Charlie looked down at Panda's paw and glimpsed up to meet Panda's gaze. 

  
  


Panda held back their tears. They weren't going to cry  _ again. They refused.  _

  
  


"..Ya really mean that, panpan…?" Charlie said after what felt like minutes of quiet and them staring at each other. 

  
  


" _ Would  _ have I  _ said  _ it if I didn't mean  _ it?"  _ Panda snorted. 

  
  


"I know ya wouldn't trick me like that!" Charlie moved in to hug the bear but stopped short. 

  
  


Panda was surprised at  _ this.  _

  
  


Before he could ask why Charlie stopped themselves from hugging Panda, they said: "I just...I'm awfully scared to say it! But Panda….I...really like ya a lot! And I g-guess that kinda shakes me to my core!" 

  
  


The bigfoot took a deep trembly breath. "I've just been... terrified ya would...I don't know! Leave or something. If ya really knew h-how I feel about ya...I already know ya seem... kinda annoyed with me.." 

  
  


Panda's throat dried up. He moved his paw away from Charlie's hand as an act of panic. His friend got teary eyed noticeably, moonlight shining through the windows of the car onto Charlie's face. That's how Panda saw the building up drops. 

  
  


"Charlie…..I  _ have  _ been irritated at you at times…Geez that's an understatement..." Panda's breath hitched. He was not made for things like this. Speech was not one of his strong suits. What if they said totally whack without meaning to? "But that's because... I'm not sure how to feel about it...about  _ you _ ." 

  
  


Panda buried their face in their forepaws. "All my life, I chased after girls...I had crushes on girls….But  _ you.  _ It's different. I never thought I would be….' They trailed off, trembling from head to toe. He began to really  _ cry.  _

  
  


The tears poured out of Panda's eyes and dripped down his reddened cheeks. Something inside of him had broken. There was no use holding it anymore. 

  
  


"P-Panda…" Charlie scooted in close. "Please don't cry...it's okay, pumpkin…"

  
  


Panda tucked his face into Charlie's chest, crying his eyes out. He sniffled again and again, fighting hard to get the sudden tears to stop. 

  
  


"Panpan…..do ya really…?" Charlie whispered once the bear had settled down enough. 

  
  


Panda nodded against Charlie's fur. "..Uh huh…" He croaked out. 

  
  


"Wow…" Charlie sounded partially surprised. "...W-Wow!" His voice filled with excitement. 

  
  


Panda pulled back. 

  
  


Charlie was smiling from ear to ear. Quite literally. 

  
  


It made Panda's heart flutter. But as it did, it quickly dropped like a stone to his stomach. "I should've been the one comforting you man...not the other way around…I am really such a dingle...." The sentence was not without anxiety filled stutters. 

  
  


"It's okay, sweetie!" Charlie paused for a moment, then gently leaned his forehead against Panda's own. "Ya being here is enough. And you're not a dingle!"

  
  


Panda smiled slightly. "I'm glad I c-ca-came…" 

  
  


"Me too!" Charlie suddenly tilted their head, staring into Panda's green eyes. "Hey pumpkin..?" They looked anxious suddenly. 

  
  


"Y-Yeah….?" 

  
  


"Uh.….do ya think we could go on one of those date things…?" 

  
  


"I...uh…" Panda paused. What could he possibly lose going on a date with Charlie? 

  
  


Nothing. He would only gain something. "Yeah. Okay." He smiled softly at his friend. 

  
  


"Oh my gosh!" Charlie pecked Panda on the head gleefully. "Oh this is gonna be so fun, panpan! I can't wait!" 

  
  


"Me either." Panda facepalmed. "Oh shoot. I should get home. My bros are probably wondering where the heck I am." He opened the car door and slid out off the seat. 

  
  


Charlie followed suit. "S-So maybe tomorrow…? We could have a picnic or something!" 

  
  


"I would..love that, Charlie." Panda hid his shy expression. "I'm sorry for crying…a lot..." 

  
  


"It's all good! We all gotta cry sometimes!" Charlie pleaded. "Ya might as well let it out when ya need to, right?"

  
  


"Y-Ye-Yeah." Panda rubbed his arm. "I...see you tomorrow." They exhaled and moved to wrap Charlie up in a hug. 

  
  


Charlie hugged the bear back. "Ya can come over anytime y'know!!" 

  
  


"I know." Panda stepped away from the bigfoot and stared up into those farm blue eyes. "I'll meet you here I g-guess...I can pack a picnic. Hopefully without my brothers getting all in my  _ business."  _

  
  


"Whew. How ya gonna tell your brothers about this?" 

  
  


Panda stopped. "Not anytime soon...I want to see...first how this turns out, Charlie. Because I don't know. I'm still confused." 

  
  


"There's plenty of time to figure it out, buddy! No rush!" Charlie leaned down to Panda's level until they were face to face. "I'll still be here for ya!" The bear blushed as a kiss was planted on his cheek. 

  
  


Charlie stood up straight. "Bye Panda!" 

  
  


"B-Bye Charlie." Panda lingered a little bit before turning away. 

  
  


They thought about the kiss as they headed through the dark woods to the cave. He didn't feel scared like he usually did walking out alone at night. He guessed Charlie had that effect on him. 

  
  


Panda was immediately tackled by an Grizz hug as soon as they entered the cave. 

  
  


"Panda! Oh I was so worried about you, little brother!"

  
  


"Ugh Grizz! Get off!" Panda pushed his older brother away. 

  
  


"What happened? Where did you go?" 

  
  


" _ Nowhere."  _ Panda huffed. "I was just outside." 

  
  


"I didn't see you!" 

  
  


"Well maybe you didn't look hard enough, man." 

  
  


"I guess it was pretty dark…" Grizz brightened up. "Well dinner is ready and our food is getting cold!" He charged off to the kitchen. 

  
  


"Alright I'm coming." Panda stared outside the window momentarily before following Grizz. 

  
  


He hoped tomorrow came quickly.


	5. The First Date

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Changed fic title to a lyric instead. (Summer by imagine dragons)  
> Wasn't feeling the title 'love story' anymore.

Panda was in the kitchen. They had just finished packing the picnic basket.

  
  


He had tidied himself up nicely. He took a nice long shower and made sure his fur wasn't messy from sleep or water. He thought about wearing his blue bowtie but that seemed to be a little too much. 

  
  


It was the first date after all. 

  
  


The fancy stuff can wait until later. 

  
  


Panda was about ready to head out when his brothers entered the kitchen. 

  
  


"Whoa bro!" Grizz gasped. "You didn't tell us we were going on a picnic!" 

  
  


"Because  _ you're _ not." Panda grumbled. 

  
  


"Ice Bear feels betrayed." 

  
  


"Then what's the basket for?" Grizz sniffed at the basket curiously. "I smell sandwiches! And gosh you look so nice! What's the occasion?"

  
  


Panda shoved Grizz's face away. "Not for you, man." He picked up the picnic basket and he hurried out of the kitchen. "I don't have to tell you." 

  
  


Of course Grizz and Ice Bear  _ had  _ to follow him to the front door. 

  
  


"Come on bro!" Grizz begged. "Please tell us!" 

  
  


Panda whipped around to face his brothers. He exhaled deeply. " _ Fine!  _ I'm going on a  _ date.  _ Can you leave me alone now?" 

  
  


"Oh my gosh! You are! With who? Is that guy you're crushing on?" Why couldn't Grizz understand the term  _ leave me alone now?  _ "Oh whoops sorry! I'll let you leave bro." Grizz opened the door for Panda. 

  
  


"Ice Bear wishes you a good date." 

  
  


"Yeah! Have fun, brother!" 

  
  


"Thanks." Panda muttered and he quickly departed the cave after that, frustrating seething under their fur. He stopped at the edge of the trees to calm his emotions. He didn't want to show up at Charlie's house mad.

  
  


It wouldn't be fair to his friend. 

  
  


The walk through the woods seemed to help and he actually felt relaxed for the first time since going to bed last night. 

  
  


The anxiety started when it hit Panda that he was actually gonna go on a date with Charlie. What if he did or said something wrong or he made a fool of himself? 

  
  


But then they reminded themselves this was  _ Charlie.  _ He wouldn't judge Panda for anything! Not even the fact Panda  _ did  _ sometimes chew too loud on his food. And because he could be such a klutz, he might spill juice on the bigfoot by mistake. 

  
  


Luckily Panda packed napkins as well.  _ Plenty of them.  _ They came prepared for every possible negative outcome. 

  
  


The weather was supposed to be nice all day too. 

  
  


No rain. 

  
  


No storming. 

  
  


No wind gusts. 

  
  


Just a pretty sunny day with gentle breezes and a few fluffy clouds. 

  
  


Nothing could ruin this date. Panda made sure of  _ that.  _

  
  


Panda reached the pad, mouth suddenly going dry. He hesitated at the edge of the clearing for a moment, took a deep breath, and adjusted the basket on his arm before entering the pad. 

  
  


His nerves seemed to come undone as he approached the car. He didn't see Charlie anywhere else so they had to be in there. 

  
  


"Charlie?" Panda peeked in through the window. It was empty. 

  
  


He stepped back, confusion pulling at him. Where was Charlie? The bigfoot did say  _ tomorrow right?  _ They didn't agree on an exact time but he thought around lunch would be good. 

  
  


No Charlie definitely did say tomorrow. Panda could remember. 

  
  


So where was he?

  
  


Panda grew tired of standing so he sat down. The minutes ticked by and his stomach rumbled. He was supposed to be eating lunch right about now…

  
  


The bear looked to the picnic basket waiting to be opened. It wouldn't hurt to have a little bite of something, would it? He was getting tired of waiting. 

  
  


Before they could lift the flap of the basket, the sound of footsteps racing towards Panda made him stand up quickly. Fear gripped him. Whatever it was, it sounded  _ large.  _

  
  


Bracing themselves, Panda was relieved to see Charlie burst out of the bushes. 

  
  


"Oh my gosh Panda!" The bigfoot hurried over to him. "I'm so sorry I'm late! A bird fell out of their nest and I had to help!" 

  
  


"It's o-okay, Charlie." Panda sighed. Charlie would never intentionally stand him up. They were helping out a baby bird. That was all. 

  
  


"I-I was thinking we head on over to my private lake. It's the best spot!!" Charlie twined his fingers together. "D-Don't ya agree?" 

  
  


Was Charlie just as nervous as Panda about all of this? 

  
  


Panda wasn't sure if Charlie ever dated anyone before- maybe it was just...first date anxieties. 

  
  
  


Panda always had those. 

  
  
  


"That sounds like a good idea, man." Panda nodded, smiling a little bit. 

  
  


"Great!" Charlie suddenly leaned in close to the bear. It sent a wave of warmth through Panda's cheeks. "Did ya do something with your fur, pumpkin? It looks shinier than usual!" 

  
  


"Y-Yeah..I d-did." Panda stuttered, adjusting the hair atop his head, subconsciously. 

  
  


"It looks nice!" Charlie stood up straight. "Now come on! I'll lead the way to the lake!" 

  
  


"A-Alright!" Panda had the tingles all the way to the private lake. A simple compliment from someone he liked managed to make him feel like he was going to melt into a puddle. 

  
  


"Whew!" Charlie stared at the sky. "Getting kinda dark over there. Hope it doesn't rain!" 

  
  


Panda's heart dropped to his stomach. "Ye-Yeah...me t-too…" If it rained, this whole thing would be  _ ruined!  _ But they didn't try to let it make them sulk. It hasn't started yet. Plus it might not even rain at all! 

  
  


Probably just a few passing clouds that will miss them  _ entirely.  _

  
  


Panda put down the basket on the sand and opened it up. They pulled out a big blanket and spreaded it out in the ground. 

  
  


"Let me help ya get all the food out, panpan." Charlie kneed the sand and together they set up all the food and juice onto the blanket. 

  
  


"Thanks Charlie."

  
  


"Of course buddy!" Charlie sat down on the blanket. Panda did the same, the anxiety he felt last night deciding to make a comeback. 

  
  


"So…" Charlie looked just as anxious. "Wanna eat?"

  
  


"Y-Yeah…" Panda reached for a sandwich. "I'm...s-starving." 

  
  


"Me too!" Charlie helped himself to a sandwich as well. "I ain't got a clue what you do on these date things. I was hoping ya had a few ideas!" 

  
  


"Um…" Panda took a bite of the sandwich and swallowed. It tasted like nothing. "Well... People talk. Like stuff about them so you can l-learn about each other more. Or they do something fun." 

  
  


"Well. We can play in the lake after we're done eating all this delicious food!" Charlie placed one hand on their cheek as they ate. "I think I already know a bunch about ya already…."

  
  


"Y-You do?" 

  
  


Charlie smiled. "Yeah pumpkin! I know ya favorite color is red and you like anime a whole bunch! Also I know ya love your phone!" 

  
  


"Those are like. The most obvious things, Charlie." 

  
  


"Then what is my favorite color, pumpkin?" 

  
  


Panda suddenly felt guilty. He didn't actually know! "U-Uh...blue…?" 

  
  


Charlie didn't look the least upset. "Nope! It's green! I liked green before I met ya but I started to really like it when I noticed your eyes were that color!" 

  
  


Panda's cheeks flushed. 

  
  


"But I do know quite a bit more about ya pumpkin…" Charlie got a shy gaze. 

  
  


"...W-What is that…?" Panda was generally curious just how much Charlie had learned about him over the years of them knowing each other. He put down his sandwich. 

  
  


Food didn't seem that important anymore. 

  
  


"Well...let me think...Ya don't really like baths cuz soaking in a bunch of water ain't really your cup of tea. Speaking of tea, ya really like the stuff! Ya rather stay at home all day then go out. More so when it's bad weather!" Charlie ate the last of their sandwich. "Also I noticed when ya get mad, ya nose gets all scrunched up and your ears get tucked back a little bit!" 

  
  


Panda felt taken back. Charlie really figured all that out? He might have told him about the bath thing but he couldn't remember ever telling them that  _ specifically.  _

  
  


"Panda?" Charlie poked his cheek. "Ya still there?" 

  
  


Panda shook his head. "Sorry! I'm just...a little surprised you know all that... about me…"

  
  


"Well I love ya!" Charlie looked shocked by the words that slipped out of his mouth. 

  
  


Panda could see dark blue developing on the bigfoot's face too. Vibrant. 

  
  


Panda themselves felt their cheeks heat up a hundred degrees. 

  
  


"I.. I'm sorry P-Panda! That just came out of nowhere heh!" Charlie chuckled nervously. 

  
  


"It's... It's alright, Charlie." Panda stared at the ground. "I...I…Nevermind." 

  
  


"A-Alrighty!" Charlie got another sandwich and a juice pouch. It got really quiet after that. You could hear the sound of the lake water lapping at the shore and birds chirping in the trees all around. 

  
  


"... Charlie?" Panda softly began. 

  
  


"Yeah pumpkin..?" Charlie swallowed the remains of his second sandwich.

  
  


"I...um... I've noticed that…" Panda cleared their throat, hoping it would help them form the coming words. "...You turn blue when you're embarrassed...Is that n-normal…?" 

  
  


"Oh. Yeah it is!" Charlie piped. "Most animals turn red so I was pretty puzzled myself when I saw myself turn blue on different occasions!" 

  
  


"Your blood really is blue.." Panda hid his face with both paws. "Gosh that was a weird thing to say."

  
  


"I guess it is!" Charlie tilted his head. "I've never really gotten a cut or scrape or anything like that so I don't really know!" 

  
  


Panda lowered his paws. "You hurt your foot though." 

  
  


"Oh yeah! It turned mighty blue that day!" 

  
  


"...Haha yeah…" Panda hated that particular day. The stuff with nearly being surgered on and the laughing gas forever traumatized him. 

  
  


Panda picked his sandwich back up and finished it quickly. There were only a few good bites left of it anyways. Still had no flavor though. He might as well grab a pawful of sand and  _ eat it.  _

  
  


"Say. Wanna go swimming now?" Charlie stood up and stretched. 

  
  


"Haven't you heard the rule of don't swim until thirty minutes after  _ eating?"  _

  
  


"Nope! Why?" 

  
  


Panda inhaled. "Nevermind. Let's just swim." They got to their feet. 

  
  


"Right behind ya!" They both headed to the water, Panda stepping into the lake first. It was true he didn't like soaking in water but a lake was different. There was room to move and the floor bed of this particular lake didn't have a lot of sharp rocks. 

  
  


Not that bathtubs had sharp rocks. 

  
  


Also this water was fairly clean, even after it was all trashed. That was so long ago. 

  
  


Panda's chest ached at the thought of just how long he's known Charlie. Did Charlie always have feelings for him? Did he have to hide it all this time until Panda showed at least a little sign that he liked them back? 

  
  


"Panpan. Ya okay?" Charlie cut through his thoughts. 

  
  


"I'm  _ okay."  _ Panda replied a little bit too brisk. He waded into the lake further, cursing at himself for snapping at Charlie. He was really such a  _ dingle.  _

  
  


"Something on your mind?" Charlie didn't seem fazed. 

  
  


Luckily. 

  
  


They crouched down with only their shoulders visible above the waters surface. 

  
  


Panda took a couple deep breaths. "How long?" He finally gathered the nerves to ask. 

  
  


"How long for what?" Charlie blinked in confusion. 

  
  


"How long have you liked me...in that way?" 

  
  


"Ssstt…I ain't really sure to be honest! I guess I always had a liking towards you." Charlie looked off to something else. "What about ya?"

  
  


"Huh?" 

  
  


"When did ya...realize…?" 

  
  


"Oh…" Panda licked his lips in thought, trying hard to remember just  _ when.  _ His mind drifted to when Charlie helped him get to Chicken & Waffles. 

  
  


Charlie lifted him up outside the restaurant and spun him in celebration of them making it. Panda recalled himself being placed down on the ground and..and then Charlie fixing his glasses. His fingers were gentle as he straightened out the lenses. 

  
  


Panda had froze momentarily. He didn't expect it to happen. But it did. And it left Panda feeling...well...lightheaded in a good way. Thinking about it later… like  _ really  _ thinking about...he was growing aware of those feelings. 

  
  


But being him...he pushed those feelings to the back of his mind, hoping they would just disappear. But they clearly didn't. They only grew stronger. Now here he was on a date with Charlie. And to be honest. That felt okay. 

  
  


"I...I guess...when you got me to the city.." Panda said softly. 

  
  


"Wow! That was a crazy night, wasn't it?" Charlie smiled. "Ya know I would do that for ya a thousand times more, right?" 

  
  


Panda chuckled. "I don't doubt it, Charlie." He paused. "Even with your fear of humans...you still helped me.." That was one thing Panda couldn't wrap his head around...why Charlie did that for him. 

  
  


He guessed it was pretty obvious  _ now.  _

  
  


"I couldn't let ya walk anywhere without ya contacts!" Charlie insisted. "No way was I gonna let my panpan go alone!" 

  
  


Panda suddenly felt a splash aimed at  _ him.  _

  
  


"Now come on! This is a date pumpkin! Let's have some fun!" Charlie splashed at Panda  _ again.  _

  
  


It took Panda a moment to react. "Alright! You're asking for it!" Panda growled playfully. They splashed Charlie back with full force. 

  
  


Charlie giggled. "Ya gotta do better than that, pumpkin!" 

  
  


"Are you wanting a death sentence?!" 

  
  


"Maybe!" 

  
  


Panda tackled the bigfoot and they both went under. They playfully fought under the water, them both breaking surface a moment later. 

  
  


The bear coughed and sent splash after splash at Charlie. 

  
  


Charlie retaliated by doing the same, laughing the most Panda has ever heard him laugh. 

  
  


Panda was laughing too. He laughed so hard his lungs began to hurt. "Okay. I give up! I give up!" He shielded his face from the water attacks. 

  
  


They immediately halted and Panda felt safe enough to move his paws away. Oh geez. He needed his inhaler. 

  
  


Luckily they remembered to put it in the basket before they left the cave. 

  
  


"I need a break." Panda made way out of the lake, his breath hitching in his throat. 

  
  


"Is it your asthma?" Charlie followed. 

  
  


"Y-Yeah." Panda let out a wheeze. 

  
  


"Oh gosh! Did ya bring your breathing thingamajig?" 

  
  


Panda nodded. They flopped down on the blanket and quickly pulled the inhaler out of the basket. 

  
  


"Did ya need help?" Charlie sat down beside him. They had concern in their gaze. 

  
  


"I..I got it." Panda used his inhaler and he felt himself ease up as it worked it's magic. 

He took slow, deep breaths and closed his eyes. He felt a careful hand stroke his back as he breathed somewhat raggedly. 

"Are ya gonna be okay, pumpkin?" 

  
  


Panda reopened his eyes. "Yeah." They put down the inhaler. Their breath gradually returned to normal and they could really relax. "I know..it probably looks scary to someone who hasn't...y'know. Seen someone have an asthma attack."

  
  


"It didn't seem that bad!" 

  
  


"Because it  _ wasn't."  _ Panda sighed heavily. "I haven't had a really bad one in  _ years."  _

  
  


"Well that's sure good to know!" 

  
  


"Uh huh.." 

  
  


"So whatcha wanna do now?" Charlie asked. 

  
  


Panda stared at the lake. He didn't have a clue. He didn't really fancy getting back in the water now. It was starting to seriously get humid and hot too. 

  
  


"We c-can..um…" Panda looked around. "W-Watch the clouds…?" 

  
  


"That's a great idea, pumpkin! I love watching the clouds!" Charlie immediately plopped themselves down on the blanket, clearing away some wrappers so they could. "Get on over here, my sweet panpan!" 

  
  


Panda sighed with a smile. He laid down beside Charlie and focused on the blue sky overhead. Thunder rumbled in the distance but he chose to ignore it. Worrying about rain was the last thing on his mind at this very moment. 

  
  


"Oo! I see a jar of cheesy poofs!" Charlie pointed to a cloud. "What do ya see?"

  
  


"I…." Panda's gaze landed on a specific cloud dead center in the sky. "I see Craboo." 

  
  


"Who's Craboo?" 

  
  


"He was a crab me and my bros adopted. He had to go though." 

  
  


"Oh." Charlie sounded generally sad. "Sorry bout that." 

  
  


"It's fine." Panda watched as the cloud of Craboo broke apart. "I'm sure he's somewhere on a faraway island. Happy and safe from the dumb popo."

  
  


"I hope so!" Charlie shifted a little closer to Panda. Their arms brushed a little bit. "Oh look! Oh look! I see you!" 

  
  


Panda glimpsed to where the bigfoot was staring. "Heh...It kinda does look like me." 

  
  


"You're so dang fluffy!" Charlie beamed, grinning from ear to ear. His friend edged a little bit closer and Panda felt his cheeks blaze up. 

  
  


Mild nervousness gripping him like a claw, Panda slowly moved towards Charlie. The bigfoot instinctively wrapped one arm around the bear until Panda's cheek was pressed against that soft chest. 

  
  


"This turned out to be a pretty good first date huh?" Charlie's voice was soft. 

  
  


Panda nodded against that chest. "U-Uh huh…" It did go really well. Better than he expected. Then thunder rumbled loudly, way too close for comfort. 

  
  


"Looks like we got some bad weather moving in." Charlie moved to sit up but Panda wasn't having that. The bear held on tight to the bigfoot, burying his face into that greenish greyish fur. He didn't know what came over him. He just didn't want to go  _ yet.  _

  
  


"P-Panda…?" Charlie stuttered. 

  
  


Panda squeezed him tighter in response, closing his eyes tight. 

  
  


Charlie sighed softly and gently stroked Panda on the head. "Alrighty. Alrighty. We can stay put for a lil longer." 

  
  


While quietly lying there, Panda didn't realize he needed something like this until now. The cave was always chaotic and loud. The only time Panda really ever got a moment of peace was at night while he was falling asleep. He was often too tired at that point to draw or whatever idea came to mind. 

  
  


The sunlight suddenly faded and the heat went away as the wind began to pick up. 

  
  


It would be a good idea to get going, much to Panda's dismay. "Okay..We can go now…" With Charlie's help, they packed away the leftover food and the blanket into the basket.

  
  


Charlie carried the basket as they made a break for the cave. 

  
  


Panda hoped they would be able to beat the rain. They were already dried off from their earlier swim in the lake. This bear wasn't looking to get soaked all over again. 

  
  


Luckily they managed to make it to the door just as water became to fall to the earth from the scariest storm clouds moving in overhead. Lightning flashed as the door was slammed closed and Charlie placed the basket on the floor. 

  
  


"Whew! We made it!" The bigfoot cheered. "I was scared for a second we wouldn't." 

  
  


"Heh. Me too." Panda smiled shyly. 

  
  


"Huh? Panda, is that you?" Grizz's head poked around the corner. "Oh my gosh you're back!" His brother met him halfway across the living room. "So? How was it?" 

  
  


"Oh. Uh." Panda glanced back at Charlie in a panic, forgetting his brothers didn't know just  _ who  _ he went on a date with. "It was great. They...um...really get me." 

  
  


Charlie moved to stand beside Panda. "I saw Panda heading towards home and with the storm comin', I asked him if it would be okay to come here for a bit. Until the bad weather goes away." 

  
  


"Of course, man!" Grizz said. "You're always welcome to take shelter from the rain here!" 

  
  


"Aw that sure means a lot." 

  
  


Thank god for Charlie's quick thinking. Panda would've been in quite a pickle if they hadn't come up with the most reasonable lie. 

  
  


"We..um.. didn't eat everything in the basket so uh…" Panda trailed off. 

  
  


"I can have the rest?!" Grizz gasped. 

  
  


"That's what I was going to say, dude!" Panda huffed. "Leave some for little bro too!" 

  
  


"Of course I will!" Grizz grabbed the basket and ran out, laughing excitedly. "Thanks little brother!" 

  
  


"You're welcome…" Panda mumbled. 

  
  


"Grizz is such a riot! I'm sure everyone who meets him just  _ loves _ his energy!" Charlie beamed in admiration. 

  
  


"Not really." Panda sighed heavily. "Some find him annoying. Including  _ me  _ at times." 

  
  


"I'm sure that ain't true." Charlie twindled their fingers suddenly. "I did really have a good time, pumpkin. I'm sure glad we did this." 

  
  


"Me too…" Panda stared up at Charlie, stuttering a lot. "Uh..do you want to go into my room or something?" 

  
  


"I would love to, my panpan!" 

  
  


Panda smiled and he walked towards his room, swearing he closed the door before he left. He guessed he remembered wrong. 

  
  


Once the door was shut and he and Charlie were inside, Panda showed the bigfoot some recent drawings he did. 

  
  


"My. My." Charlie looked at the pieces of paper with awe. "You've improved a whole bunch, Panda. It's amazing!" 

  
  


Panda blushed. "Thank you, Charlie." He didn't particularly like some of his artwork because it didn't turn out the way he wanted. It was seriously frustrating. 

  
  


He would get this great picture in his head and when he would go and draw it, it wasn't how he imagined it looked. 

  
  


If only it was possible to print pictures of your mind onto paper. Think of all the hours that would be  _ saved.  _

  
  


"I like this one the most. It's you and your bros, ain't it?" Charlie held up a certain art. 

  
  


Panda did that one about a week ago. It was of his brothers and himself as a selfie. He had no reference and it was embarrassing to look at. He failed hard on his eye patch things. And all their noses. 

  
  


"Y-Yeah."

  
  


"Ya should hang it up somewhere!" Charlie insisted. 

  
  


"Maybe. I don't know. It's kinda messy, man." 

  
  


Charlie began to walk around his room, as if looking for something. 

  
  


"W-What are you doing?" Panda asked. 

  
  


"Looking for...ah!" Charlie picked up a roll of tape that Panda dropped yesterday. He forgot to grab it off the floor then. "This will do the trick!" The bigfoot teared off a piece of tape and stuck half of it on the drawing. They taped it up to the wall above Panda's desk. "Now ya can look at it anytime ya want!" 

  
  


Panda sighed with a smile. "I guess...it does look pretty good." 

  
  


"It sure does!" Charlie grinned, pleased with themselves. 

  
  


Speaking of tape… "Charlie, do you want to stick around for dinner tonight? I-If you're not busy!" 

  
  


"Aw I'm never too busy for you, pumpkin! I would  _ love  _ to stay!" Charlie wrapped the bear up in a bone crushing hug. They nuzzled Panda's cheek lovingly and Panda subtly nuzzled Charlie back. 

  
  


Before Charlie could let go, their gazes met. Just as it had done before. 

  
  


Charlie's hand moved up to hold the side of Panda's face, instinctively. Slowly, they started to move in closer to the bear's face, having to lean over a lot due to their tall height. 

  
  


Panda swallowed nervously, his paws were beginning to get really sweaty. The fluttering of butterflies in his stomach was obvious. Obviously he knew just what was going to happen. 

  
  


This felt like the dream Panda had not too long ago. They were about to kiss but were so rudely interrupted. It happened in reality too. While he was  _ awake.  _

  
  


Was he awake now? What if he wasn't? What if he somehow fell asleep and he was about to wake up? 

  
  


"C-Charlie...I…" Panda shyly glanced at his feet. This made Charlie pause. 

  
  


"Yeah Panda…?" 

  
  


Panda glimpsed back upwards to look into Charlie's eyes. Those deep blue eyes. So mesmerizing. Like Panda could just fall into them if he could. 

  
  


"K-Kiss me.." Panda whispered. 

  
  


Charlie blushed in response. 

  
  


Panda blushed too. 

  
  


Legs feeling like jello, Panda couldn't believe how very little space was in between his and Charlie's noses now. 

  
  


"Y-Ya sure you're okay with it, panpan?" Charlie asked softly for confirmation. 

  
  


Panda thought for a moment and he decided he  _ was.  _ He was so okay with it. He was so okay with it that he would say it over and over again if he had to. 

  
  


He nodded. "Y-Yeah...I'm s-sure."

  
  


That was enough for Charlie to edge in even closer. "Ya don't have to say it back yet...but I love ya, Panda." 

  
  


Panda touched his nose to Charlie's, feeling fearless for once as he stared right into that blue gaze. "No….I t-think I'm ready to...I...I...l-love you... too...C-Charlie.." The sentences were said in a bit of a frenzy. He could barely register what he just said because he didn't have the time to. 

  
  


Charlie pressed his mouth onto the bear's, sweet and gentle. 

  
  


Panda kissed back, his ears tucking against his head. Tears developed in the corner of his green eyes, the emotion of this moment almost too much for his soul. A quiet sob left his throat and he clutched on hard to Charlie's arms. 

  
  


Charlie pulled away and they rested their forehead on Panda's. "Shhh. Shhh. Don't cry, sweetie." They planted a peck on his cheek, the salty tears already soaking the fur on his face. 

  
  


"I'm so s-sorry...I'm so s-sorry…" Panda wasn't sure what they were apologizing for but it probably had to do with the fact that they didn't always treat Charlie right. "I'm so so-sorry…" 

  
  


"H-Hey." Charlie held the bear close. "Ya ain't got nothing to apologise for." They sat down on the floor of the room, Panda letting himself be pulled in the bigfoot's lap. 

  
  


"I k-know…" Panda pressed his cheek against that soft chest, closing his eyes as he did. 

  
  


Charlie gently rocked as they sat there, humming quietly. He stroked the bear's head with the softest of fingers. 

  
  


There was a knock on the door but neither of them paid any mind. This moment was too great to be ruined by anything. 

  
  


Panda was starting to drift off, feeling sleepiness weighing down on him. Charlie kissed him on the forehead and rested his cheek there. He felt himself feeling lifted up and being placed down on his bed. 

  
  


Charlie cuddled up beside the bear, wrapping their arms around him. 

  
  


Panda reopened his eyes and stared at the bigfoot, heart beating fast in his chest. 

Charlie placed one hand on the bear's tinted cheek. "Where would I be without ya, my panpan?" 

  
  


"Dead, probably." Panda chuckled. 

  
  


Charlie chuckled as well. "Thank gosh I ain't!" They smiled from ear to ear. "Were ya gonna take a nap or?" 

  
  


"I..I don't think so. I think you were just... ridiculously soft."

  
  


"Aww. Like a pillow?" 

  
  


"Yeah. Pretty much." Panda smiled a little. 

  
  


"I love it when ya smile, pumpkin. Ya have a nice one." 

  
  


"R-Really…?" Panda stuttered. 

  
  


"Yeah!" Charlie pressed his nose on Panda's. "Ya should smile more often!" 

  
  


Panda laughed, nervously meeting Charlie's loving gaze. "I w-will…" He grew flustered. "You do h-have really p-pretty eyes…" 

  
  


"Well I never noticed!" It was Charlie's turn to blush. "Thank ya, sweetie." 

  
  


There was another knock on the door. Only two of them. "Hey Panda?" Grizz was speaking through the door. 

  
  


"Ugh." Panda groaned. "I better go see what he wants." He moved away from Charlie and sat on the edge of the bed. "I'm coming, bro!" 

  
  


Charlie sat up too and hugged Panda from behind. "Panda, can I ask ya something first?" 

  
  


"Sure. Shoot." 

  
  


"I.. I'm not really new with all that relationship stuff…" Charlie paused. "I..I just ain't sure how fast we should be moving. Like. If ya really wanna be my boyfriend or something!" 

  
  


Panda wasn't sure how to answer. He didn't really know if he was ready to dive into a relationship but...his feelings for Charlie...they were real. That much was certain. 

  
  


"I...I still want to take it slow... Charlie. This is new for me too..not just because you're... because you made me realize I was bisexual and...um…" Panda wasn't sure where he was going with this. It was too much for him to put it all into words. 

  
  


"I understand, Panda!" Charlie let go of the bear and they flopped down beside the bear. "We have all the time in the world!" 

  
  


"B-But…" The corner of Panda's eyes began to sting with tears. "W-What if we d-don't…?" 

  
  


"W-What do ya mean…?" 

  
  


"Nevermind." Panda shook their head. "Just forget it, Charlie." They glimpsed up at the bigfoot and smiled shakingly. "U-Um...would you want to g-go on a-another d-date with me…? S-Soon?"

  
  


"O-Of course, panpan!" Charlie beamed. "The first one was great and I'm sure the second one will be too! We could even go into the city!" 

  
  


"A-Are you sure..?" 

  
  


"Yeah I'm sure!" Charlie insisted. "I wanna give ya a chance to do what ya want to do!" 

  
  


"Hmm. Maybe I can take you...to Chicken And Waffles?" It was the first thing that came to mind. So why not?

  
  


"It sounds fantastic sweetie!" Charlie giggled. "I can't wait! Now you better go see what Grizz wants." 

  
  


"Oh shoot!" Panda hurried to the door. "I forgot about that! I-Is it okay if you could stay in here, Charlie? You can draw in my sketchbook, I don't mind." 

  
  


"Sure!" Charlie immediately went to find the sketchbook but couldn't find it. "Uh Panda? Did ya know where ya put it?" 

  
  


Panda turned away from the door. "It should be on my desk! It's not there?" 

  
  


"Nope!" 

  
  


Then Panda remembered. They swore they closed their bedroom door before they left for the date but it was open. His sketchbook was missing too!

  
  


Panda quickly left the room and charged into the kitchen. There was Grizz and Ice Bear and his...sketchbook on the table! 

  
  


"Bros what the heck?!" Panda quickly picked up the sketchbook and clutched it tightly to his chest. "Why did you take my sketchbook? Why were you in my room?!" 

  
  


"Whoa whoa panpan." Grizz waved his paws. "Calm down. Our intentions were good, I promise!" 

  
  


"Oh please enlighten me!" Under Panda's fur, they  _ seethed _ with anger. They despised others touching their stuff! Especially without permission! 

  
  


"We were worried, little brother…" Grizz began. "We know you like to draw when...when you're feeling bad."

  
  


"Well I wasn't, okay?!" Panda growled. "Stay out of my stuff!" He stomped out of there and slammed his bedroom door shut. 

  
  


Grizz and Ice Bear didn't flinch as the door was closed forcefully. They were used to it. 

  
  


"Maybe we shouldn't have taken it, dude…"

  
  


"Ice Bear should've convinced older brother better. Ice Bear is sorry." 

  
  


"It's not your fault, little bro!" Grizz said, slumping in his chair. "I just don't get it, man...If he really likes Charlie...then why hasn't he told us?" 

  
  


"Ice Bear isn't sure."

  
  


"We should try to find out. I don't think asking him directly is a good idea." 

  
  


"Ice Bear agrees." Ice Bear sighed. "Ice Bear thinks bros should wait until Panda is ready." 

  
  


"I think you're right, little bro.." Grizz sighed as well. "Let's just wait it out." 

They both eyed Panda's bedroom door with conflicted expressions. 

  
  


What were they supposed to do? 


	6. Alone Forever...?

Panda gasped for breath as he leaned against the internal part of his door. He squeezed his sketchbook tight to his chest, unable to remember where he had seen his inhaler last. His wheezing breaths drew in Charlie, the bigfoot's eyes widened with panic. 

  
  


"Panpan?!" Charlie gasped. "What happened?!"

  
  


The striped bear was unable to respond, the air seeming to leave his lungs as he struggled again and again to get his oxygen back. 

  
  


"Oh my gosh! You're turning blue, pumpkin!" Charlie picked up Panda, tossing the sketchbook, and running with the bear in his arms into the kitchen. 

  
  


Grizz had run in here earlier with the picnic basket. The other two brothers were still at the table, looking upset. They both looked up at the same time as Charlie sweeped the table clean. He laid Panda down on the surface.

  
  


Everyone's frantic voices were muted as Panda began to black out. The last thing he saw was Charlie leaning in close to his face and then nothing. 

  
  


Suddenly he was back not even five minutes later. 

  
  


The air returned to his chest and Panda could breathe properly again. Charlie was still looming above them, crying tears of joy onto his face. "My pumpkin! You're okay! I was so worried!" The bigfoot helped him sit up slowly. 

  
  


Panda could barely register what was happening when he felt Charlie peck his mouth and he slightly kissed the bigfoot back, still disoriented from the lack of oxygen. He wanted to lean his head in his friend's- partner's?- shoulder but Charlie was suddenly gone. 

  
  


Panda was instead being pulled into a hug by Grizz in a tight hold. "Oh my gosh Panda! I thought you were gone, little brother!" 

  
  


"Panda must never leave Ice Bear." Ice Bear wrapped his arms around the still slightly confused bear. "Ice Bear's heart dropped many times." 

  
  


"S-Sorry bros…" Panda croaked. 

  
  


" _ You  _ have nothing to be sorry for, panpan!" Grizz reassured with a quiet wail. "It was my idea! I should be the one apologizing to  _ you!"  _

  
  


"Ice Bear is to blame too." 

  
  


"I'm n-not mad…" Panda stuttered. "I was but n-not anymore..." 

  
  


"I love you, Panda! So much!" 

  
  


"Ice Bear loves big brother too." 

  
  


"I l-love you g-guys too." They hugged again even tighter. "...Can you let me go now…? I nearly  _ died _ , bros." 

  
  


"Oh yeah. Sorry!" Ice Bear and Grizz stepped back to give him space. Panda felt like he could really catch his breath.  _ Finally.  _

  
  


Charlie was still standing there, looking unsure but happy that Panda was alright. 

  
  


Panda scooted to the edge of the table, nearly falling over but managing to steady himself. He wanted to be close to the bigfoot, longing to be held by him. To be comforted. He wanted to feel their soft fur and smell their sweet smell up close. His brothers couldn't offer the same feeling of safe someone like Charlie could. 

  
  


"Can I have help getting to my bed?" Panda stared straight at Charlie, hoping they would understand. It didn't click fast enough. 

  
  


"Of course bro." Grizz helped him off the edge of the table and used one arm to support him as he walked out of the kitchen. Ice Bear supported his other side. 

  
  


Charlie followed closely behind, bringing the inhaler in his hand just in case. 

  
  


Panda was grateful to be in his soft bed covered by his soft blanket. His chest still hurt but it was relatively normal after an asthma attack of that level. He finally recalled that Charlie kissed him in front of his brothers and red hot blush spreaded across his cheeks. 

  
  


"Oh my gosh they're turning red now!" Grizz gasped. "Are they getting a fever?! Is that possible!? Little bro, get the thermometer!" 

  
  


"It's not a fever, Grizz!" Panda shouted. He sweated nervously, his heart beating fast. "Bros...listen. Me and Charlie…" His gaze flitted over to his friend. His best friend. His love…Even though they weren't really together...not yet… 

  
  


"Panda- Ya don't have to.." Charlie sat down on the edge of the bed. "Ya sai-" 

  
  


"I know what I said, Charlie." Panda grumbled. "I don't want to keep this from my brothers anymore." 

  
  


"Ice Bear knew Panda had a secret." 

  
  


"..Yeah...heh heh…" Panda sat up. "Continuing  _ on.  _ Me and Charlie….We...I...we…" He couldn't gather the courage to really speak it. It was too hard. Why was it too hard?

  
  


"Me and Panda…" Charlie intervened. "We like each other a whole lot! We've only been on one date so we ain't too sure just how it's gonna go!" 

  
  


"Wait...so you really mean…?" Grizz let out an excited squeal. "So you like  _ like  _ each other?!" 

  
  


"That's one way to put it!" Charlie chuckled. 

  
  


Panda pulled the blanket over his head, wanting to hide in his embarrassment for loving Charlie...for wanting to be with Charlie...for wanting to kiss Charlie over and over and over again and never get tired of it. 

  
  


"Oh my gosh guys! This is so great!" Grizz piped. "It's okay, Panda! You don't need to hide, man! We totally accept this!" 

  
  


"Big bro doesn't speak for Ice Bear. But Ice Bear accepts panlie relationship too." 

  
  


Panda kicked off his blanket and sat up, eyes widened in terror. "So  _ you did  _ look through my sketchbook!" 

  
  


"What's panlie?" Charlie asked. 

  
  


"It's you and Panda's ship name, dude!" Grizz answered. 

  
  


"Oh! Well I like it!" 

  
  


"Make me disappear now please." Panda groaned. He hid back under the blanket. 

  
  


"So you're breathing okay now, bro?" Grizz asked with slight worry in his voice. "We should probably do hourly checks on you!" 

  
  


"I'm  _ fine.  _ I don't need to be checked on." Panda insisted hastily. 

  
  


"Okay. Okay." Grizz sighed. "You probably want to sleep!" 

  
  


"I don't mind staying in here with him and making sure he stays alive." Charlie offered. "I don't have anything else planned today!" 

  
  


"Really? That would be awesome!" Grizz stepped close to the bed. "Is that good with you, panpan?" 

  
  


"Sure! Can you go now?" He growled. 

  
  


"Okay! Okay! We're leaving!" Panda heard the sound of his door closing a few seconds later and he peeked to see if his brothers were really gone. 

  
  


They were. 

  
  


The panda bear let out a breath of relief. He hated being nagged at just because he had an asthma attack. 

  
  


Panda pulled the blanket off his face and he shyly stared at Charlie, who was now sitting at the foot of his bed. "What exactly happened…? When I…?" He was curious. There was a window of him passing out and waking up in the kitchen. He didn't have a clue what occured in between. 

  
  


"Ya don't remember me carrying ya into the kitchen?" 

  
  


"N-No…" 

  
  


"...Oh well….ya weren't breathing so I had to…" Charlie blushed blue. "...do the...ya know." 

  
  


Panda went scarlet in the face. "Y-You ga-gave me  _ mouth to mouth?" _

  
  


"Yeah huh…" Charlie turned his head away from Panda nervously. "I was real scared so I did the first thing that came to mind." 

  
  


"I.. I'm glad you did, Charlie…" Panda mumbled. 

  
  


"Me too." Charlie scooted over close to Panda and squeezed next to him to lay down beside him. Panda shuffled over a little bit so there was more room for the bigfoot. 

  
  


They stared in each other's eyes for a brief moment before leaning in to share a kiss. Panda sighed into it, not wanting to pull away just yet. Charlie wrapped his arms around the bear, holding him close. 

  
  


Panda rested his head on Charlie's chest once the kiss was over. He kept his eyes closed, sleepiness creeping over him. He felt so at ease and relaxed...could this moment last forever please? 

  
  


Charlie started to hum quietly as Panda drifted off. He could tell the bear had fallen due to the gentling of his breaths. Then the cutest thing ever happened! 

  
  


Panda began to make some sort of low  _ barking _ noise as he slept. It was so adorable! He twitched and shifted slightly too as if he was having some wild dreams! Charlie couldn't believe that his pal could be just as cute when asleep as he was awake. 

  
  


The nap didn't last long because the quiet barks stopped and Panda cracked open his green eyes. He yawned big and slowly sat up, seemingly forgetting the bigfoot was there. 

  
  


"Did ya have a good nap, pumpkin?" Charlie asked softly. 

  
  


Panda startled and they looked down at Charlie who was still lying on his side. "Y-Yeah...I feel b-better now." He uttered out. 

  
  


"Glad to hear, sweetie." The bigfoot sat up too and they placed a kiss on Panda's head. "Love ya so much." 

  
  


"M-Me too.." 

  
  


"While we're both here...what about that chicken and waffles date? Ya still on for that?" 

  
  


"Y-Yeah Charlie." Panda paused in momentary thought. "...T-Tomorrow maybe..?" 

  
  


"Sounds like a plan!" Charlie finger-gunned. "I really can't wait." 

  
  


"S-Same..." 

  
  


"So did ya really create a ship name for us, panpan?" Charlie got a teasing smirk. 

  
  


Panda went red. He shoved at Charlie, growling in anger. "N-No…! Shut up, man!" 

  
  


Charlie giggled loud. "No can do, pumpkin!" 

  
  


"I hate you so _ much."  _ Panda grumbled. 

  
  


"Ya loveee  _ me _ . Ya said it yourself." Charlie grabbed Panda and pulled him in close. The bigfoot started to place multiple kisses and pecks on the unsuspecting bear's face. "And I love you! I! Love! Ya! I! Love!  _ Ya!"  _

  
  


"C-Charlie…!" Panda bursted out in so many giggles. He couldn't hold any of them in. "S-Stop…! ...N-Nooooo!" 

  
  


"Say it!" Charlie continued with the kisses. 

  
  


"Okay! I love you too!" Panda screeched, trying to push the bigfoot away. "Too much! Too much!" 

  
  


Charlie finally stopped his affection attacks

"Too much? You better get used to my kisses panpan because there's lots more coming ya way!" 

  
  


Panda covered his face. "...Nooooo…." He whined. 

  
  


"Yesssss!" Charlie laughed in such a lovely way that it made this poor panda bear's heart swoon. 

  
  


" _ Nooooo…."  _

  
  


"Yes yes yes yes." Charlie was obviously not going to give in. 

  
  


"Fine. You  _ win."  _ Panda accepted defeat. But  _ unwillingly. _ But then he suddenly shivered, unable to believe what just had happened. Charlie had just kissed him  _ all over his face and Panda just went along with it.  _

  
  


"Panda..?" Charlie's smile faded and was replaced with concern. "Something wrong..?" 

  
  


Panda sat up quickly in a panic. "N-No..

Charlie...I need to go to the bathroom real quick.." 

  
  


"Okie dokie!" The panda bear left his room, face flustered. He was relieved that he didn't run into any of his brothers. He didn't feel like striking a conversation with either of them at the moment. Especially after telling them his feelings for Charlie. 

  
  


He was so  _ embarrassed.  _

  
  


Things were going to be so different now. 

  
  


After washing his paws, Panda stared at this reflection in the bathroom mirror. He has changed so much, whether that be a good thing or bad thing. When he first met Charlie, he wouldn't even dream about the potential that the bigfoot becoming someone he got a crush on. 

  
  


Let alone  _ love.  _

  
  


But now...it was all Panda wanted. He wanted to love Charlie for forever...after so many pointless relationships and painful breakups...it felt like he finally found someone who actually meant something great to him. 

  
  


It was almost like... Charlie was his one true soulmate. 

  
  


Panda from a few years ago  _ definitely  _ wouldn't have believed  _ that.  _

  
  


A knock on the bathroom door made the panda bear jump in place. He let out a startled yelp as well. "Hey pumpkin? Ya been in there quite a while and I just wanted to check on ya!" 

  
  


Panda's feet seemed to be rooted to the spot in front of the mirror. "The door is unlocked…" He replied numbly. 

  
  


It opened a second later and closed back the next. He saw the bigfoot walk in close to stand behind him. "Ya alright, sweetie? I'm sure sorry if I caught ya off guard with all those kisses.." 

  
  


"You didn't." Panda sighed. They reached for the brush and picked it up. They began to comb through their striped unkempt fur. "...I dunno... Charlie...it's still all new for me...I... don't know when it won't f-feel like that…" 

  
  


Charlie took the brush out of Panda's paw. "Mind if I…?" 

  
  


Panda nodded shakingly. 

  
  


Charlie brushed through Panda's thick fur as he talked. "It surely won't feel like that forever! There's so much time to really grasp it all! And I'm sure willing to stick with ya until ya do, pumpkin." 

  
  


"I don't feel like I have time…" Panda croaked. He remembered when he told Charlie before...he was unable to come up with a reply then. 

  
  


"What do ya mean by that?" Charlie stopped brushing. "Of course ya have time!" 

  
  


Panda turned around and stared up at Charlie. "No Charlie... it's ugh...  _ complicated _ . This is happening all too fast, man! I can't catch up…"

  
  


"Panda…It's okay!" Charlie put the brush down on the sink and then he gently placed his hand on Panda's cheek. "If ya need to, we can save the date for another time!" 

  
  


"It's not about the  _ date."  _ Panda had frustration develop in his already stressing tone. "I...I can't handle this right now...I freaking  _ can't."  _ His heart rate started to pick up speed. "I..I  _ freaking _ love you, Charlie but I just can't…" 

  
  


"Hey. Hey." Charlie pulled him in a hug. "It's alright, panpan. I understand what ya saying. Ya not ready... right?" 

  
  


Panda shook his head, tears pricking the corners of his eyes. "N-No…" 

  
  


"Shhh. It's okay. If ya not ready...than ya not ready! I don't wanna pressure you into this, pumpkin.." The bigfoot gently stroked the back of his head. "But I will wait for ya! As long as it takes! And I...I will  _ always  _ be here for ya no matter what!" 

  
  


"Thanks C-Charlie...but I...I don't know how you tolerate me…" Panda muttered. 

  
  


"I don't tolerate ya." Charlie whispered back. "Because there ain't  _ nothing  _ to tolerate! I love ya for  _ you."  _

  
  


Panda buried his face into the bigfoot's fur and he held onto his friend tight. "I l-love you t-to-too...for  _ y-you _ ." 

  
  


"Aw that sure means a lot." Charlie hugged the bear a little longer before moving away. Panda looked up into those blue eyes, searching for any hurt but there was none. That made him feel relieved. 

  
  


The last thing he ever wanted to do was hurt Charlie. 

  
  


But the next thing he said…it made him feel worried that he still did. 

  
  


"Well," Charlie went to the bathroom door. "I better head on out! Turns out I do have plans! But I'll see ya later! Okay Panda?" 

  
  


"O-Okay." Panda watched as Charlie turned the knob and he left. Part of him wanted to follow the bigfoot but he couldn't walk. Again his paws seemed to be glued to that one particular spot. 

  
  


Hopefully Charlie didn't see it as  _ rejection?  _

  
  


Panda wasn't rejecting him!

  
  


But he couldn't understand why Charlie just  _ left.  _ Especially after promising his brothers he would look after him and make sure he didn't have another dangerous asthma attack. He couldn't wrap his mind around the reason  _ why.  _

  
  


But maybe...he should just give Charlie space...his friend was probably so overjoyed to know the one who he loved did in fact like him back…

  
  


It wasn't like Panda didn't like him anymore. He still did! Gosh it was all such a mess. He always did make an unnecessary mess out of things. It started with him being a dingle to Charlie all that time. 

  
  


"Hey Panpan! You done in there?" Grizz's voice cut through his thoughts in an annoyingly unwanted interruption. "I really gotta go, bro!" 

  
  


Panda groaned and he got out of the bathroom. He went past Grizz without a word, shoulders all tensed up, and ears drawn back a little bit. 

  
  


He headed back into his room where he would sulk under the covers until dinnertime. 

  
  


When dinner did actually roll around, it was really difficult to leave the safeness of his bed. He wanted to sleep even more but his rumbling stomach would not allow it. He hated it but he was already missing Charlie. 

  
  


There was an empty void of space where the bigfoot should be. Breaking into the living room... tiptoeing into the kitchen in search of cheesy poofs...or sneaking into the bathroom in the middle of the night because he didn't have money for toothpaste..or even had his own toothbrush…

  
  


The scent of cooking filling his nose did convince him to leave his bedroom eventually. 

  
  


Panda stretched as he entered the kitchen and released a wide mouth yawn. 

  
  


"Hey lil bro!" Grizz said as his brother sat down at the table. "Feeling good?" 

  
  


"I g-guess so…." Panda answered quietly. 

  
  


"Where's Charlie?" Grizz tilted his head to try and see the door to Panda's room. 

  
  


"They left hours ago." Panda replied in a somewhat snappish tone. 

  
  


"Oh…" Judging by Grizz's reaction to his hostile tone...his older brother knew something clearly wasn't right. "Did something happen..?" 

  
  


"I don't want to talk about it." Panda pulled out his phone and he swiftly typed in his password. He began scrolling his social media timeline. That often relaxed him. 

  
  


It wasn't doing a good job at this moment and time. 

  
  


"Okay buddy." Grizz did not lose his obvious concern. 

  
  


This made Panda's fur seethed but he chose against saying anything because he would only say something mean. So he kept his mouth shut. 

  
  


After dinner was through (it was a very quiet dinner), Panda returned to his room after rejecting watching a movie with Grizz and Ice Bear. He wasn't in the mood for such a thing. 

  
  


Not now. 

  
  


Putting their earbuds in, Panda blasted their playlist of favorite anime intros and settled their head on their pillow. Eyes closed, they started to drift off into a deep sleep. 

  
  


Naturally, he dreamed about anime. Lots of anime. But the one thing that caught him off guard so the fact that Charlie was  _ there.  _

  
  


They were standing in a garden full of pretty anime flowers and many water fountains. 

  
  


What he thought was going to be a great dream ended up turning into Panda's worst nightmare.

  
  


"Y'know pumpkin..." Dream Charlie said. "I honestly ain't sure what I ever saw in ya. You're such a jerk to everybody around ya and for what? Because ya had a bad life? That's no excuse, sweetie." 

  
  


"I..I did my best…" Panda's eyes welled up with salty tears. "I tried Charlie...I tried…" 

  
  


"But it wasn't enough and ya know  _ it."  _ Dream Charlie turned his back on the shaking bear. He began to walk away though the rows of flowers. "Don't even bother talking to me again if ya can't even try to fix yourself." 

  
  


"Wait- Charlie...I'm s-sorry..!" Panda's tears started to fall heavier down his face. "P-Please don't go…!" 

  
  


"Bye Panda!" 

  
  


The ground beneath Panda's feet cracked and fell apart. He fell in a void full of black and suddenly he was dropping onto his bed. 

  
  


Heart pounding in his chest, Panda ripped off his ear buds and tossed them. His phone went along with them and clattered to the floor. He didn't care. 

  
  


He cared about Charlie..but Charlie wasn't  _ here.  _

  
  


He would always be  _ alone.  _

  
  


Panda cried himself back to sleep that night. Hopefully he won't have another one of those terrible nightmares.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Get this panda some therapy


End file.
